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Old 02-12-2013, 12:33 AM
AnotherConfused AnotherConfused is offline
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Join Date: Jul 2010
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SchrodingersCat View Post

Love isn't about the things you do. Sure, loving someone will make you more likely to do nice things for them. But doing nice things for someone doesn't mean you love them..
Yes, this is true! I have also had to admit that sometimes I've tried to do "loving things" just to be able to say, "See? I'm doing this!" At the same time, I think that when I can't find it in myself to feel tenderness and affection, I should at least try to behave in a loving way. Love is a verb, after all -something you do, not just something that happens to you.

Quote:
Originally Posted by SchrodingersCat View Post
In essence, we both re-committed to our marriage, and it's made a huge difference.

Note: the crux is "both." Neither one of us could have fixed it alone. It takes two to tango.
I think maybe he feels like he is trying, but I am not giving it 100% because I still love C. And I feel like I am trying, but he is not giving it 100% because he doesn't think the ways I need to be loved are valid, or possible for him. (He says he can't flirt, etc.) Just because two people are willing doesn't mean they can figure out how to tango. I guess we just need to keep practicing.
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Married to a monogamous man 15 yrs, mother of 2, dating C 3 yrs, and in a romantic friendship with L more than 20 yrs
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