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Old 02-11-2013, 08:47 PM
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SchrodingersCat SchrodingersCat is offline
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Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Canada
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Originally Posted by MelasOnos View Post
Anyway, "Jennifer", my wife, explained to me one day that it has always been in her nature to want to have multiple partners, that she couldn't be happy having sex with only one person for the rest of her life, and that she feels that having the freedom to express affection in a responsible way to whomever she wills, is the best path for her. With extreme reluctance and tooth pulling, I accepted this. I worked hard to get over my jealous feelings and possessive behavior.

Now, in retrospect, she feels that it was a mistake to open our marriage, and that she wants to be with me as a life partner that considers her primary. She now says she wants monogamy and has learned her lesson. With half bitterness and spite due to the crap I went through in the beginning of our relationship, and half staying true to the path that I, WE, set out on, I could not commit to monogamy again just for her sake. It's ironic and sad to feel like you are losing the love of your life over philosophical ideals of freedom.
Basically, she needs to decide whether to go through the same hard work you went through, or whether she's done with this marriage. She started this snowball rolling down the hill, and she can't stop it now that it's veered towards her own cabin.

I'm also concerned about her parenting. She just up and leaves her infant son while she goes gallivanting around Mexico with her boyfriend? At this point, the child will have started to bond with Nancy. Sure, he'll get over it, he's still young. But Jennifer can't just keep coming in and out of his life on her whims. A child needs more commitment and stability than that.

She seems to have problems living with the consequences of her decisions. You don't get to just blow up everyone's world, and then when the dust finally settles, come in with a leaf blower and mess it all up again. She needs to pick a path and stay on it. I would just tell her that this situation is of her own creation, and that she needs to learn to accept that you're with Nancy, and that she can either join in the party or go off on her own path. BG's probably right that as soon as she meets some new person, or just plain gets restless, she'll be trying to change the rules a third time. You have the choice whether to allow that or not.
As I am sure any cat owner will be able to tell you,
someone else putting you in a box is entirely different
from getting into a box yourself.

Last edited by SchrodingersCat; 02-11-2013 at 08:50 PM.
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