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Old 02-11-2013, 07:00 PM
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SchrodingersCat SchrodingersCat is offline
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Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Canada
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Ok. Rewind.

In the post that started all of this, MOD admitted that he's new to poly and thus not an authority on the matter.

Originally Posted by ManofDiscovery View Post
If you want to become truly poly (and I know that you should probably take my words with a pinch of salt, as I'm only just starting out on this road myself) [...] You have to realise that if you really are truly poly, with no jealousy or insecurities
*hands out the salt*

I admit that I'm as guilty as any for jumping on semantics. But looking back with new comments as guidance, I don't think MOD meant "truly poly" in a judgemental or authoritative way. It seems that his belief that you can become rid of jealousy and insecurity was based more on idealism than experience. He's new to this and he's trying to understand how it all works. So let's give him the benefit of the doubt and take this as an educational opportunity rather than go down the semantics road.

I'll start. Generally, most experienced poly folks have learned that there's no "one true way to do poly," which I think is how your usage of "truly poly" was interpreted. Furthermore, we've learned that jealousy is basically inevitable for some people. Either a person is prone to jealousy, or they are not. You can learn to deal and cope with your jealousy in a healthy way, but you're not likely to ever get rid of it. Some people are just born being non-jealous. Good for them, but not necessarily something for the rest of us to strive towards.

Insecurity is another matter. That's a personal character feature (some would say flaw). A person who is, in general, insecure can either choose to try and improve their self-esteem and start to feel more secure with their self, or they can spend their life avoiding situations that trigger their insecurity. Declaring that you can't do poly on the basis of being insecure is one way to approach life, but it's not one that I would recommend. No matter what kind of relationship you're in, if you're an insecure sort of person, your insecurity is going to be triggered.
As I am sure any cat owner will be able to tell you,
someone else putting you in a box is entirely different
from getting into a box yourself.

Last edited by SchrodingersCat; 02-11-2013 at 07:08 PM.
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