Intro-In an Open Relationship for 4 months...now what?
Searching for some advice from those who've been there...
My back story: Met my husband when I was 14. We dated for 4 years, married when I was 18-he was 21. We were virgins when we got married. We have now been married almost 14 years. He is amazing, we have a wild sex life with each other, and a very open and honest and spiritual relationship. I don't even have words to describe our love. It is pretty magical, and he supports me in every possible way. He knows everything about me, and is my very best friend as well as a divine lover.
So...I am definitely bi. I have always had feelings for other women, but never acted on them because we were fully committed to each other. Recently (for a year or two) my husband and I have talked about those feelings, and whether I would ever act on them. He said that he would be happy for me to pursue that side of myself. His exact words were that he didn't want to try and fit me into a certain mold of the kind of person others think I should be. That he felt like he would lose me if he tried to control me. I had the green light to explore with a woman if the opportunity ever presented itself.
Well....I wouldn't be on here if it hadn't! I've been getting to know a friend better for a while. In November, she was super flirty, and we ended up getting physical. From the very beginning, she knew that my husband would know everything (not details, I like those to myself, but about the relationship and when we were spending time together) and she was ok about that. We flirted non stop, and pretty much couldn't be apart for very long. In that time, she had a relationship with an ex, who is an addict, that ended very badly. He's a cruel jerk, and really broke her heart. We cooled things for a while when she was with him, because she couldn't be open with him about us. But we remained very close friends and still emotionally connected. We have a really intense emotional connection aside from the physical one.
Now we have rekindled our romance, and I'm conflicted. When I am with her the whole world could melt away and I wouldn't notice. We can't even fall asleep because it feels like we need to cling to every second we have with each other. But I feel terrible, like I'm not fully available to her in the way she deserves. I have a husband and a family I adore, my feelings for him have only intensified, and she doesn't want to come between us at all. In fact, she worries a lot about coming between us. But I feel like I'm selfish. I am definitely in love with her, and I do think she is with me too.
Also, we live in a very small town, and this would not be good to get out. Being secretive is LAME. As if this wasn't complicated enough!
My husband doesn't have an interest in pursuing any other kind of relationship outside of ours. And I'm not sure that I'd want him to anyways. He says he is fine with my other relationship, but he is becoming irritated at my time away from home. We have 5 children, so I know this is a burden. I also just recently started working full time for the first time in 12 years since having children, so the home responsibilities have shifted. It's hard to sort what stress he is feeling from that vs this other relationship. I have to be out and about for my job a lot (2-3x per week) to schmooze and fundraise.
I feel like I'm at a crossroads right now. But I so desperately don't want to give up what I have with my girlfriend. And I so desperately don't want to lose what my husband and I have built. I want both.....I'm just not sure that's possible. Advise, thoughts, stories....anything?