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Old 02-11-2013, 04:18 PM
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Magdlyn Magdlyn is offline
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Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Metro West Massachusetts
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I am going to take the opposite stance from the above posters.

My ex husband, also, was unable to feel my love, once we had 3 kids. He did, however, list ways he'd like to be shown love: special packed lunches, more "respect," more sex.

I did all these things. I made him cooked lunches (while being swarmed by our 3 homeschooled kids in the mornings, myself unshowered and coffee-less and unfed while husband had his own leisurely breakfast, coffee, and a private shit, shower and shave). I even got romantic stickers to put on the Tupperware.

It didn't work in making him feel loved.

I gave him more sex. It assuaged his horniness but he wouldn't kiss me or say I love you to me. He wouldnt hold hands when we walked out. He wouldnt cuddle me to watch TV.

It didn't work in making him feel loved.

I respected him by going to counseling with him and by taking a submissive stance, letting him lead the way in household and dating decisions. We dated a lot more, including weekends away from the kids (now teenagers) at cute hotels in interesting settings.

Even our therapist said I was doing all the the right things, showing love, and yet, it didn't work in making him feel loved.

Finally I was so frustrated I started an online emotional affair with a man 1000 miles away. I fell in love with him and he with me. NRE like CRAZY. It felt soooo good after so many years of depression, frustration and tears with my h. I got advice from online girlfriends not to leave my h for this guy, and indeed he was too far away. I left my h for myself! But having this online bf really boosted my self esteem and showed me what I deserved to have from a partner, and it was a hell of a lot more than my h was able to give.
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Love withers under constraint; its very essence is liberty. It is compatible neither with envy, jealousy or fear. It is there most pure, perfect and unlimited when its votaries live in confidence, equality and unreserve. -- Shelley

The single biggest problem with communication is the illusion that it has taken place. --Shaw

me: Mags, female, pansexual, poly, 59, loving and living with
miss pixi, female, pansexual, poly, 37
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