View Single Post
  #139  
Old 02-11-2013, 04:11 PM
Numina Numina is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Texas
Posts: 139
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Livingmybestlife View Post
I have often thought and probably am very wrong here that chipmunk came into this not confused but lying about wanting you. I think her intent all along was to be with airyn.
That is basically what i told Airyn's mom this past weekend. That Chipmunk wanted Airyn, and that Airyn wanted her after they met in class. Chipmunk may have been interested in "experimenting" like a lot of 20something College students do, but really it has all been about the two of them.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Livingmybestlife View Post
I think in the beginning alot of the hurt and disregard was due to NRE. . . I have blamed alot of their behavior on it.

I see Chipmunk as a very immature and manipulative. I remember one occasion where you and airyn had time planned and she went where he asked her not to etc. He spend his time with you worried about you. I see that happen alot. Seems like anytime there is time with you or wolfe there is a problem with chipmunk.
Yes NRE was a big part of the problem in the beginning, but that is no longer an acceptable excuse to me. I think your similar situation lets you see things more clearly.

Immature, and manipulative yes, intentional? maybe. She apparently wants to talk to me today, we'll see how that goes. I'm willing to consider that this is all just her learning and that she doesn't realize that she is as manipulative as her parents.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Livingmybestlife View Post
I gucess maybe I am just going to be blunt. Yes, I think you ask if someone is upset. But, when this happens time and time again when do you stop and see the dysfunction, that it is codependence.

I also think that Chipmunk, will never be happy as long as you or anyone else is in the picture.

I really admire you and support you and I hope you keep posting. I also agree with you if you say veto on this airyn will resent you.
You are right, Asking after her over and over is co-dependent on him, and her continuing to act out in this way, and expect Airyn to do everything for her is co-dependent on her. I have gone back and forth. I have asked Airyn to let her be, let her decide to participate, or to sit out and pout, and I have allowed him to run to her when she has pouting. So I'm giving mixed messages. Really thought it is more my being tired of fighting, of telling him that he should not do this thing, and him choosing to do it any way.

I agree that Chipmunk will not be happy while I or Wolf are apart of Airyn's life. What Chipmunk seems to want is someone to take care of her, to do everything for her. Someone who will allow her to lounge, and be the couch potato/hermit she calls herself.

I will continue to post, and I am still leaving Airyn's relationship status with Chipmunk up to him. He has to decide that for him self. We are currently negotiating the possibility of a lease (for Airyn and I). If we co-sign with each other again it will be a new engagement period. A chance to start over, and see if we want to live together again as married, or as roommate, or not live together at all.

And to everyone who has pointed their fingers at me, and attempted to call me an abuser, and manipulator. F U.
You are reading the hurt, and feeling I have in this, and assuming that how I feel is how things actually are. I AM NOT A MONSTER! And the posts that say otherwise are making it harder for me to heal my own wounds.

I have admitted that I have made mistakes here, that I have regrets, and guilt. We all created this senario together. No one is wholly to blame, no one is completely innocent. Making choices and decisions from a place of safety, or a place of desperation, or anxiety is still each person decision to make. I am willing to take responsibility for my poor decision, I am not willing to accept the blame for someone else's poor decision.

I have been treated by Chipmunk as if I am a monster, someone to be feared, not someone to talk to, to consider a friend. This treatment as fueled my feelings of being an abuser. Abuser don't feel remorse, and cry on their friends shoulders, they look for more victims. I know what abuse is, and I have been emotionally/mental abused in this. Perhaps not intentionally, but that is still what has been happening (I am not saying that I am the only one either). I am working through it, and deciding where I will go and what I will do from here.

If this situation had been one where I had changed my mind, and had decided that I wasn't Bi you would all be reacting very differently to this blog.

And to those of you who ave helped me weither I wanted to hear what you had to say or not. THANKS. You know how you are, and I appreciate it.
__________________
Bi-sexual female

Married to my high school sweat heart (20 year relationship). Talked about Poly, but put the idea off and had a kid instead. Stumbled into an FFM (Vee) that became an FMF (Vee).

No longer dateing my husbands Girlfriend.

Airyn: My husband (Straight)
Chipmunk: My x-GF, My husbands GF (Straight)
Wolf: my Daughter with Airyn
Boots: Social/Friend dating (Bi) Married
History: Social/Friend dating (Bi) Married

Last edited by Numina; 02-11-2013 at 04:19 PM.
Reply With Quote