I have often thought and probably am very wrong here that chipmunk came into this not confused but lying about wanting you. I think her intent all along was to be with airyn.
I think in the beginning alot of the hurt and disregard was due to NRE. I also things got out of control due to Airyn, not regarding your boundaries. You said you needed time. He didn't regard it, maybe because of NRE. I have blamed alot of their behavior on it.
I see Chipmunk as a very immature and manipulative. I remember one occasion where you and airyn had time planned and she went where he asked her not to etc. He spend his time with you worried about you. I see that happen alot. Seems like anytime there is time with you or wolfe there is a problem with chipmunk.
I gucess maybe I am just going to be blunt. Yes, I think you ask if someone is upset. But, when this happens time and time again when do you stop and see the dysfunction, that it is codependence.
I also think that Chipmunk, will never be happy as long as you or anyone else is in the picture.
I really admire you and support you and I hope you keep posting. I also agree with you if you say veto on this airyn will resent you. Sorry to say but I think he is very caring towards her and in a fog with his head up his ass in regards to chipmunk.
You are a smart cookie and you have tried to make boundaries. They are broken or disregarded time after time. I think what airyn takes for granted is he is wearing away at your relationship with him. Maybe you don't see it. I have been in a similar situation. It sucks and right now my primary and I are separated because of it. He needs to understand that.