Originally Posted by GalaGirl
It's hard to feel desire for someone who is not present. Not just in body but in heart.
I'm pretty sure GG is referring to your husband (that's how I took it at least), but this statement also applies 100% to you. It doesn't sound like you are being present for him anymore, and I understand there's not a burning motivation to do so for a myriad of reasons, but it's kind of a catch 22 when both of you are having so much trouble connecting.
You are doing everybody a disservice by comparing him against C if your goal is to make your marriage strong. I imagine he was mostly like this when you married him, but you come across, at least in these last couple of posts, as more dissatisfied than you used to. It seems like you are reserving all your fun and happy for C (which makes sense too, you feel he enjoys those aspects of you so find it easier to give) and have one foot out the door. I know deciding to leave a marriage or not isn't an easy decision but I just hope you're not distracting yourself with lots of contact with C in order to avoid really thinking about what is best for everybody - especially because I'm guessing the frequent calls and messages with him highlight on a daily basis just what you want and are not having with your husband. I just want to say if you do have a foot out the door, its probably better to stop the distractions and figure that out sooner than later. If you have interest in maintaining a friendship with your husband - from his reactions in the past, I'll guess the longer he lives with the pain of you being poly while you maintain you want to stay married, the more upset he will be the longer it takes for you to figure out that you don't.
Maybe you are just having a low period, but I just wanted to say what I was taking from the last few months of your posts.