Originally Posted by GalaGirl
Mutually exclusive... .or really super honest? He is willing to do what he can, but what he CAN do... falls short of what is needed?
It's hard to feel desire for someone who is not present. Not just in body but in heart.
It's hard to feel desire for someone who tends to you... but like a thing and not a person. You are a not a car to wash, wax, spend money on to maintain. Caring for your physical needs of house and home matters is not caring for your heart and your emotional needs.
Could he list what he IS willing to do to create emotional closeness?
It's not as if he doesn't try, but we're just very different kinds of people, and he isn't a very social being. Sometimes he'll come to bed with the intention to talk to me, because he knows I want to be talked to, and then he'll launch into a story about something technological or otherwise outside my realm of knowledge, and when I've tried to respond with the occasional comment or question I discover that he really has no interest in hearing what I think -he's just talking because I've requested it. We both just don't know what to say to each other, I guess. He tries, but he doesn't get it.
One thing I especially enjoy when I am with C is that I can make comments or crack jokes almost even under my breath, and he will respond with a hearty laugh, but my husband says he can't process two things at once so he doesn't respond if I crack a joke while he is driving, or washing the dishes, or just about any of the things we would be doing side by side. I feel that at least half the time when I talk to him, I have to repeat myself because he hasn't processed it the first time, so cracking jokes becomes too tiresome to bother. At the same time, he says he isn't good at coming up with witty things to say, so he stays pretty quiet. He likes it when we watch movies together.
Someone in this forum once asked if he had Asperger's syndrome, and while I doubt he would ever qualify for a diagnosis, he himself has suggested that he tends towards that end of the normal range of the spectrum. He's a total genius in many things, but human emotions are not his forte. He wants to please everyone and avoid drama, so I think for him, a deeply emotional relationship is too risky.