Thread: Conundrum
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Old 02-10-2013, 08:41 PM
SchrodingersCat's Avatar
SchrodingersCat SchrodingersCat is offline
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Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Saskatchewan
Posts: 2,227

In a perfect dream world, everyone always says exactly what they mean, no one ever colours the truth, and people don't take advantage of loved ones just because they let us. Too bad we live on a real planet with inconsiderate people and convoluted relationships.

Ythill, you put Yumi in an awkward position. In fact, you put her in such an awkward position that she felt the need to confide in strangers on the internet before talking to you. You have not respected her boundaries in the past. You have not fostered an environment where she felt she can just be open and upfront with you, without facing judgement and animosity. Clearly, you did not ask to use her truck in a way that left her feeling she was allowed to say no. Had you done so, she wouldn't have needed to ask our advice.

When I ask someone for a potentially awkward favour, I begin it with "I have a favour to ask you. You can say no if you want. Please say no if you don't really want to do it. I was just wondering if you would be willing to _______. But only if you want to." Yep... I remind them three times that they can say no. Redundancy Department of Redundancy. Then if they say "yes," I then say "Are you sure? You don't have to if you don't want to."

All of this is redundant, because I know that someone can always say no if a favour is asked of them, and that no hard feelings should ever be had for saying no to a favour asked. That's why it's called a favour. But I want to be sure, beyond any reasonable doubt, that they're doing it because they want to and not because they feel pressured.
As I am sure any cat owner will be able to tell you,
someone else putting you in a box is entirely different
from getting into a box yourself.
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