When I read your post.. ."Bottom line...When I feel a relationship is in jeopardy, and the outcome is out of my control, I will shut my feelings down. Hard, cold, dead. As I told her, I would rather kill something myself of my own free will than have it taken away from me against my wishes. I will pull my own heart out of my chest and throw it away before I'll let someone else break it again."
I had to reply. That is exactly how I am only you put it into words I can never seem to articulate to anyone. I too shut down. Let me be the one to hurt myself, rather than it be from someone that I love so much. I even jump ahead into that ending even if what that person was trying to tell me was not an ending but just a discussion. Because from there....the only obvious ending (in my mind) is an...ending.
I have bee reading your posts and want you to know that I really love your directness and honesty. I am new to being Poly. Not even sure I am....Poly. Just trying to figure it all out.