I so appreciate your taking the time to comment on my blog. I know from reading yours that you really have your hands full right now, and it means a lot that you spoke to me. I know you can relate to watching someone you love so much struggle for their health, and I deeply hope that both Lin and your mother are doing okay right now. I also hope that your desire for a baby comes to a happy resolution for you. You deserve the good things in life.
I agree 100% with everything you said. Communication is the life raft that will save Pidge and I, if we can just be smart enough to climb into it. Yesterday I was a bit overwhelmed with the intensity of our conversation, and more than a little horrified by how frightened and sad she had been about our relationship, when on the surface nothing much showed. I can't escape the irony that I was so afraid to upset her by speaking of difficult things, yet it was my silence that was terrifying her.
We agreed yesterday that what is needed is a fresh start for us together, to let go of the hurts of the past, while retaining the lessons there to be learned. We went to a book store after our conversation, in search of non-violent communication method reading, and other books I have heard of here that we thought might help. We've agreed that no matter how difficult honest talks are for both of us, they must and will happen from now on. Scheduling time for talking will now be done, and we will hold each other accountable.
I am glad that we gave ourselves this year to get into a good place together before we tried to involve another person/s in our lives. We both still want that, but as things are now it wouldn't be kind or fair to anyone. Still, we agreed it remains as a longer-term goal for us both.
At the end of the conversation, I told her I thought we just needed to let the past go, it was beating a dead horse. I asked her if we could do that, and she laughed and said "Well, we may need to circle the corpse a few more times, counting flies, but then we'll bury it or cremate it, for sure!" I just love that girl.