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Old 02-10-2013, 07:29 AM
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Phy Phy is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Germany
Posts: 651

Hey there

I have been following your blog as well. Let me tell you that I feel for you with all that medical struggle and health issues. But somehow, I wish there was something I could actively do to improve Lin's health, like you who worked so hard for Pidge. I hope things will continue to get better for you two.

And in regard to this problem that you discovered in retrospection: Lin and I had a similar situation not so long ago. The only difference was, that we immediately talked about it. Checking in with your partner is so important, it avoids those sitautions. Harboring negative feelings never gets you to a place where you will be happy and content. Speaking about everything that doesn't sit well with you is the way to go. I hope you will be able to clear this. Speaking up is something both of you need to bear in mind. I know how hard it is to talk about feelings, I have that crack as well. But I am getting better. And she seems to lack the currage to confront you about all this earlier. That was 2 years in the past already and it still hung over her head. She should have spoken up earlier. I hope that your exposure to poly will help you discover the full set of possibility of this important tool for maintanance that every relationship so desperately needs.

Originally Posted by StudentofLife View Post
Recently on another thread, in response to my comment about the seemingly somewhat negative tone of the average post, Autumnal Tone wrote:

"And the folks who have years of happiness where it doesn't fall apart--you think they're going to be posting about all of their non-dramatic continuation in their relationships? Would anybody want to read a post that says, essentially "Still together, yup"?"(End quote)

I think there is an element of learning what *not* to do in reading some of the crash and burn threads here, and that has value. I also believe that for those of us who want the minimum amount of drama in our lives, these success stories can give us hope that our dreams can possibly come true. Thank you to the members quoted above, and to Phy, for shining a positive light out there for this newbie.
I was questioning the same thing when I got those responses. Does it make sense to tell happy stories when others are so desperate? It does indeed, as there is merit in the negative experiences as well. That's how I delved into it. Reading every negative bit I found to not make those mistakes as well. It worked, mostly.

We have been quite lucky up to now. There is normal relationship stuff going on, but no real negativities in regard to poly. Our overall happiness has taken quite a hit right now, but again, nothing poly related. I hope that this tendency will go on (even though I hope for some happier times right now for sure). Therefore: you are welcome I hope the light doesn't cease to shine on. ^.^
Facts: 30, female, bi, v-type relationship with Sward (husband, straight, mono) and Lin (boyfriend, straight, mono), poly-fi and co-primary.

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