First post - Confusing Dynamics
This is my limited experience with polyamory. I'm curious to hear an objective opinion on the matter.
We are in our mid twenties. I was a husband of 3 years with a six month old son. We were monogamous, living in the country in a cabin I built by hand. We gave birth to our son by ourselves in the bathtub. Some would call us hippies. I call myself self-sufficient. Anyway, "Jennifer", my wife, explained to me one day that it has always been in her nature to want to have multiple partners, that she couldn't be happy having sex with only one person for the rest of her life, and that she feels that having the freedom to express affection in a responsible way to whomever she wills, is the best path for her. With extreme reluctance and tooth pulling, I accepted this. I worked hard to get over my jealous feelings and possessive behavior. She went on dates, had sex with other men. I even watched it happen. Do that which disturbs, to understand all facets of life, right? Then, at the same time, we both met people that we fell in love with. She met "Mark", and I met "Nancy". At this time we are also living with my best friend and "spiritual life partner", "Michael". Then I got fired from my job. It was a huge turning point. We wanted o go out and experience the world. Travel. We felt done with the rat-race and wanted to rebel in the face of the monogamous society we'd grown up with. At this time, Nancy bought a school bus that had been converted into a cozy little home. We jumped on the opportunity and have been living out of it ever since. So there we were, all of us trying to accommodate each others feelings and desires. Sleeping situations were a nightmare to figure out. No one was happy, so Jennifer went to Mexico with Mark to travel and be away for a while. This left me with my best friend and Nancy to take care of my son on some 65 acres of wilderness in the country. Then a few months later Jennifer made her way back to Oregon without Mark, as he stayed in Mexico to travel more. This is where shit hit the fan. In this temporary polygamy, she didn't feel special anymore. My time had to be split. My affection split. I was constantly walking on egg shells, and unsuccessfully at that. It was dramatic and uncomfortable for everyone involved. So, Jennifer left again for California. Now, in retrospect, she feels that it was a mistake to open our marriage, and that she wants to be with me as a life partner that considers her primary. She now says she wants monogamy and has learned her lesson. With half bitterness and spite due to the crap I went through in the beginning of our relationship, and half staying true to the path that I, WE, set out on, I could not commit to monogamy again just for her sake. It's ironic and sad to feel like you are losing the love of your life over philosophical ideals of freedom.