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Old 02-09-2013, 10:51 PM
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redpepper redpepper is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Canada
Posts: 7,723

I've been chatting with my highschool sweetheart lately. He looked me up and asked if we could talk about poly as he and his wife had opened their relationship up about a year ago. It's been a few weeks of chatting on line and the occasional Skype. I'm really enjoying the connection we are building again. It just seems like yesterday that we talked.

The timing of his presence in my life is uncanny. He started off by telling me how much he appreciated my being in his life when we were younger at a time when I was at a low point over Christmas. It has been nice to feel appreciated by him and realize appreciation comes when I least expect it.

He and I have talked about my need to work on being alone and he has given me some really good insight into my past. He reminded me that I used to be okay with people always being around me and that I am much like him in that I have always surrounded myself with people that interest me. The difference between now and then is that back then I would replace people who weren't working in my life with ease and without concern. He said there was always someone waiting in the wings to be around and replace the person leaving my life.

He was confused about why I would be preparing and trying to be alone when he thinks I am the sort of person who will never be alone. He said he can not see a reason I would ever be an unattractive friend to others. I will never be alone because he thinks people like to be around me.

Its all made me re-access why I would need to work on being alone. I think it's a matter of loving myself more. Feeling the same way about myself as others do who like to be around me. I used to, during the time I knew my ex, be able to be around others and not use up all my energy. I used to keep some of myself for myself instead of giving away everything. I have forgotten how to hold back and save something for later. I'm getting there though. I'm aware of the line now and with my exes help, I'm beginning to remember how much I loved to be with people and am not feeling as resentful and fearful of it. I'm beginning to be RP in a group of people rather than becoming that group and morphing into it. If that makes sense....
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