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Old 02-09-2013, 10:08 AM
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Anneintherain Anneintherain is offline
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Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Seattle-ish
Posts: 826

Originally Posted by Paradox View Post
It wasn't really the sex itself that I had a problem with, I never had had a problem with casual sex, but the fact that it was like a little relationship. If she wanted to sow some wild oats, fine, but I was not down with two boyfriends.

She just insisted that if I was going to hook up with someone, that I tell her first. Fair enough.

So I had a crush on a girl at work who also was interested in me.

She (gf) said no-coworkers/strippers whatever

Then there was another girl, stripper, who I had some interest in.

So while my partner was away, I picked up this other girl and brought her to my house and we had 2 days of wild sex. I shouldn't have brought her to my house, and even so, I definitely shouldn't have had sex with her in our bed. That's why you take a ho to a ho-tel right? It was wrong, but it's what happened. Couple days later, I went to visit my partner where she was camping and told her about it. Well, you probably know already how that turned out. She lost it. She said it was over, we're done and fuck me and all that good stuff. I explained that I just wanted to have the same experience as her so that I would understand. She was pissed about the house/bed thing, but in the end, I promised not to see this other girl again, and she cooled off and forgave me. She was glad Id had the experience, but just not happy about who it was and where it happened. Fair enough.

I guess I felt that I deserved to see the other girl one more time before my partner got back. So I did. This time, I was shitty about it. I didn't tell my partner.
Ok, I don't really get why you chose a poly forum to post in, and I don't appreciate the ho comment either, maybe you need to come up with a degrading term for yourself too just to be fair when you tell this story.

You seem conflicted. Are you saying the girl you had a crush on and the one you were interested in were both just vaginas to you? If not, its somewhat hypocritical to your statement to your gf that you don't want her to have two boyfriends, and you might want to examine that. If they are just body parts to you, then you probably wont find the answers you seek here.

What was wrong was that you weren't keeping your agreements (you OR her) and that you punished her with "keeping the score" and cheating on her to feel like you were even or had one up on her.

DJing pays enough to go to a counselor a bit right? If you want to keep having a relationship with her, it sounds like you might want a third party's input about how to negotiate something that works for both of you and to help be upfront with each other about what you do or don't want from an open relationship, so a counselor who is experienced in non monogamy can help you both out with coming up with compromises you can both live with.
Happiness will never come to those who fail to appreciate what they already have.
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