View Single Post
  #70  
Old 02-08-2013, 04:12 AM
Velvet's Avatar
Velvet Velvet is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Minnesota, USA
Posts: 36
Default Just the idea of it...

Quote:
Originally Posted by nondy2 View Post
Since people have written about have sex early - would some of you share your first experiences? In retrospect, did you handle the relationships well? Did you have any problems socially, being critized by others? Did you have any trouble with STDS or pregnancy? Did you tell your parents? Where they healthy relationships? It would be great to have insight. I didn't have sex until 1st or second year in college. I wouldn't say I had my first "successful" sexual relationship until 24, and even that wasn't so great!
Since a lot of this thread postings is how parents involve/influence/intrude/whatever their children's lives I wanted to answer this. More so on when my parents thought I first started being sexual.

When I was 14 I was in a sort of long distance relationship. The guy I liked (who is actually one of my partners now BB) wrote letters back and forth to each other. It was the late 90s but I didn't use the internet yet, so old style pen pal writing is how we kept in touch. Last time we saw each other was shortly after my 14th birthday and we had kissed for the first time. That's all.

I didn't want my parents to know about our mutual feelings, so I was very prompt at getting the mail every morning. I knew they didn't like him at all so I knew they wouldn't approve. And even though I did that perfectly one day I left his most recent letter out in the open...I got distracted going to my bedroom or something...and my Mom found the letter. We just talked in the letters and it usually ended with some of "I love you", "miss you", wishing to see each other, i.e. nothing sexual or any kind deviance.

My parent's approach to things and people is almost always with ambivalence. they always tried to be logically and not get emotional. My Dad picked me up from school, and that ride home in the car and what occurred when I got home was one of the most terrorfying and humiliating experiences of my life. It started when my Dad very calmly explained the letter that was found and he asked me how long we had "been at it" (or some such wording). Since I was found out I said it had been about 6 months (of letters, not the romantic interest but I kept silent on that) and at the end of my explanation I told my Dad, "Dad, I love him."

My Dad had never hit me or really raised his voice to me in my whole life, and while we were still driving home he started freaking out. Screaming that I was a whore and a slut and should be ashamed. He didn't hit me but he was punching and throwing around anything in his car...I was cringing in fear because I thought he might hit me if he ran out of things to toss. His car was always messy so he didn't run out of things. The home welcome party was both my Mom and Dad yelling me with a rage I didn't know they could possess. "Slut" "Whore"

I knew they didn't like the guy BB, who is also my cousin, but I seriously underestimated how deeply it went. My Mom marched me up to room and made me watch as she went through everything in my room, tearing it apart to find every letter he had written to me, any picture I had of him, my personal address book, everything. While still yelling at me the whole time, obviously I was crying, sobbing, a complete mess.

In their minds they decided to assume the worst, my best guess. And to them the worst was having sex with him. From then on when it came to anything that could be construed as me liking a boy...or whatever thing they wanted to imagine they never missed the chance to remind me that I was a slut and a whore and needed to be controlled. A few days after finding the letter they made me get the pill and made sure I took it every day. Whenever I got a sore throat or cold my Mom would tell me I got Mono "the kissing disease" from being a slut and if I wasn't a whore I wouldn't get sick. If I wanted to go to a friend's house they asked me what guy I would be meeting there behind their backs....you get the picture?

I choose to first start having sex at 16. I think it went as well as it could. I only dated a few guys in High School, four total and I sex with two of them. Both of them eventually showed their dirtbag sides, but I don't regret my actions. I did the best I could do. I have never, ever, talked to my parents about my relationships or sex.

So, that's the story....well a story for sure.
__________________
Your task is to acknowledge to yourself and others that every part of you has a right to exist.

Last edited by Velvet; 02-08-2013 at 04:20 AM. Reason: first paragraph, last sentence
Reply With Quote