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Old 02-07-2013, 10:14 PM
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Anneintherain Anneintherain is offline
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Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Seattle-ish
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Originally Posted by Numina View Post
Originally Posted by nycindie View Post
You still don't get it. If she is in a shitty mood, why does he see it as his duty to go and fix her? I don't have anyone ringing my doorbell when I'm in a bad mood and placating me to feel better. Who does? If she's in a bad mood and walks out the door, why can't he simply let her take a walk and cool off by herself? It's her mood, her life, her responsibility. Let her go. He consistently runs to her, coos in her ear, manipulates her into feeling better, but that is stunting her own growth and ability to manage her own emotions. Meanwhile, he is abandoning you to take care of this woman. YES she is a woman, not a child, no matter how immature or inexperienced she is. If he stops trying to fix her and she realizes he isn't going to leave your side to cheer her up anymore, she'll stop pulling that shit to get his attention. If she comes back still in a pissy mood, you just tell her, "Listen, your mood is souring everything and we can't even enjoy being in our own home with you here grumbling and having a tantrum. So please either change it, say what's on your mind, or go somewhere else and stay away from me." You know, like from one adult to another! And if she can't manage her moods and it is just too draining on you for her to live there, the answer is simple - kick her out. But your passive acceptance of Airyn's sharing an apartment and a bank account with her, and planning a handfasting, seems like sheer lunacy.

Again I see this as a misinterpretation.
When someone you care about is angry and making it obvious that you are the reason are you going to ignore that you’ve done something that has hurt them? Sure she should just come out and say what is bothering her, or at least ask Airyn for a private moment to talk about what ever it is. She chooses not to. It really bother Airyn when he thinks he did something, said something that has hurt, upset, or angered someone he cares about.
d go find out what it is, and correct his mistake, or explain his actions.

With this view, hearing you say that he should just ignore Chipmunk’s fowl moods as they are just hers doesn’t fit (for me).
I do feel compelled to respond to this. I am not sure you realize how many times (and it might be more clear especially if you reread your recent posts and add them up) that you've said Airyn has to stop what you're doing because he thinks he is supposed to go make her feel better

And Airyn is not DOING things to make Chipmunk upset. You're both training him that its appropriate to drop everything (including your too rare private time alone) when she is having a bad day, so there is no reason for her to work through her feelings like an adult, or with other friends. I don't call up my husband at work or when he's on a date to tell him I'm unhappy and expect him to drop everything.

Chipmunk is upset because you two are married. Chipmunk is upset when she doesn't get what she wants. Chipmunk gets upset for a lot of reasons, but that part I bolded up above? Do you actually think that each time he walks out to go comfort her, that he has done something bad that he has to fix? If so he must be a horrible partner, and in that case it's certainly not a relationship that makes sense to continue for her. Being that needy is just not healthy. I highly advocate (and I don't get that Nycindie was suggesting other than this too) him going to be with her if there is an actual issue, or a serious problem, but if she cant learn to be with her thoughts for a bit, and wait til their date time (or for two hours) or to send an email summarizing that there's something she wants to talk about.... until they are both free and available to discuss it, then she won't be able to grow into a mature individual.
Happiness will never come to those who fail to appreciate what they already have.
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