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Old 02-07-2013, 09:55 PM
AJ1 AJ1 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by tiggerdatiger View Post
He can spend a good amount of time having texting conversations with someone while I'm there. I'm not passively asking him to stop, I ask him to stop (after a while, especially when we're at a party with other people, or I feel like he's just not listening to me as I'm talking). And he will stop for a moment just until the person gets back to him, then the phone is back in his hand, texting away.
I think what you are feeling here is totally understandable - and not even 100% "primary" or "poly" related. His texting etiquette is just very poor. I've had to deal address similar behavior with DH, even though he doesn't have other lovers. He just has a lot of friends, and likes to stay in (what feels like constant) touch with them. For the longest time, he would just whip out his phone whenever it vibrated (every text, email, FB alert, etc.) I told him that, while my preference is for him to ignore his phone altogether when we are spending quality time with each other, I felt a good compromise was to check it once an hour, and do all his following up at that time. He agreed that the proposal was reasonable. Full-on text conversations should be handled like phone conversations, they are very similar in the attention they require. If the conversation is going to be lengthy, and it is not an opportune time, it should be re-scheduled.


Quote:
Originally Posted by tiggerdatiger View Post
am I being passive aggressive?
No, you are being proactive and (as far as I can tell) reasonable.

Quote:
Originally Posted by tiggerdatiger View Post
Am I being manipulative?
Not from what you've posted.

Quote:
Originally Posted by tiggerdatiger View Post
Am I acting out of jealousy?
Maybe. Do you feel jealous? Would you feel similarly if he was texting a buddy of his? Needing reassurance after a hot date (while totally reasonable) could be coming from a place of insecurity that you may want to work on in time.

I am wondering, though, why you plan on addressing the issue over text rather than just asking him in person? It seems like the kind of thing that might be worth having a real conversation about. This is a great thing to cut your relational teeth on, so to speak. You're getting vulnerable and sharing your insecurities with him. How he chooses to react to that is important.
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