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Old 02-06-2013, 06:50 PM
Petunia Petunia is offline
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Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Talula
Posts: 101
Default You mean, this applies to me, too? Pfft!

I don't know how many times I've read about one of the benefits of polyamory and open relationships is that needs that are unmet in one relationship can be met in another. It's used as a validation for why people may need/desire to have multiple relationships.

As many times as I have read that, my internal dialog went something along the lines of, "Yeah, I can see where some people may feel that way, but it doesn't really fit my situation. I'm doing this for other reasons, mainly because I like people and I don't want to be lonely," or whatever was the most top-billed reason of the day for me at that moment.

I realized a couple of days ago that my need for sensuality was being met by my relationship with Thad. It seems so obvious now, but I really didn't see it this way before. I expected Twitch to play two different roles depending on my mood. If the moon aligned just right with the stars, then I would be perfectly happy with our D/s role and his sadistic tendencies, but if conditions weren't right then I wanted him to be more loving and gentle with me. This lead to a number of upsets between us when we'd get our wires crossed and he'd be his naturally dominate self when I wanted tenderness and sensuality. It had gotten to the point where he was cautious to even venture into the land of kink with me. And as ironic as it is, I was missing our kinky play. Things were getting complicated and spinning into areas where we'd never had issues before.

I think it may have been our threesome that really shined a light on the differences between my two lovers' styles. I appreciate what each of them bring to the table, er, bedroom. I like being Twitch's submissive toy, being pushed to my limits and rewarded for it. At the same time I also like being sensual and feeling the connection between Thad and me; being playful and daring, helping him explore new things and being part of that discovery.

Allowing them to take on a role that comes naturally, or rather, not trying to pressure Twitch into something that's not his natural inclination at this point in his life, seems so obvious now.

I feel relieved knowing that I can totally embrace Twitch's dominate, sadistic nature now that I have balance. They are my yin-yang that truly complement each other, and form a whole greater than either part separately.
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