Talking to my kid, and a thanks
Thank you so much LovingRadiance, this was just the article I needed to read and at just the perfect time.
A quick recap of who I am since I'm new-ish and don't post often...36, married 16 years to a great guy (aranaeapc), 2 kids: 12 and 8. I have a primary otherlove of 2 years who does not live with my family and I will occasionally attend SFPoly Mission Control or other gatherings gatherings to really let my hair down. I'm also a healthcare provider and competitive cyclist. I drive a mini-van and blend very nicely in the 'burbs, thank you.
Aranaea and I have always been honest with our kids about where we disagree with the social messages about relationship structures and have shared with them a bit about our agreements.
These past few months our son has been beginning to ask more questions and so we decided to lay it all for him and be more clear; explain how we identify, what it means and who this other person spending time with us is to me. Hands a bit shaky we sat him down only to have him say, yeah I know...you're just like (xyz teacher at school) and his wife. A few hours later I asked if he'd like to talk or had any questions or concerns but nope, he was fine.
I feel more liberated than I could have imagined not only because of this new openness with my son but because it also means we can be open with the rest of our friends and family without worrying about the kids finding out. I had no idea how much a burden the secrecy was, and what a veneer of shame it coated my relationships with.
So thank you for all the discussion, resources and encouragement that you have all shown to each other and indirectly to me and my family.