Thread: Need advice
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  #11  
Old 02-05-2013, 06:47 PM
GalaGirl GalaGirl is offline
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Join Date: Jun 2012
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Quote:
I just don't want (her to have) an emotional connection with a sexual partner other than me.
Then it appears you both could want swinging to be off the table then. If you/her both want her to meet this want of yours.

Just don't have other sexual partners then. Emotionally connect to whoever -- friends, family. But no other sex partners. Because she CAN control who she does/does not have sex with. That is a behavior.

She cannot control her feelings like an on/off faucet. That is an emotion. It is just felt when it bubbles up. Then you get to choose your next behavior in response to it. Behaviors to help keep the feeling going, or behaviors to help end the feeling.

If it were possible for people to turn their emotions on and off like a faucet, YOU could just turn your feeling faucet off and not be bothered by her behavior, right? Cannot expect either of you to do the impossible. Feelings do not run on an on/off faucet. They just ARE.

Your asking her to terminate the relationships so she does not grow even more feelings for the partner? Ok. She terminates and does not grow more feelings for the partner because she ends it. But asking her to do that does WHAT for her feelings for them? Breaking up loss? Grief that must be processed and let go?

If you are her only emotional support dude -- how do you best support her in breaking up time sadness time?

In asking her to break up with her other sex partners -- that does WHAT for her feelings for YOU? Grow them to new heights? Diminish them? Could ask her. And be willing to listen to her feelings on that too and best support her as those feelings are expressed and processed.

If you want to BE her only source of emotional support -- could choose to BE that person then. In times of emotional sunny days AND in times of emotional
storm.

She's listed her emotions and her emotional need. Here it is again:

Quote:
She seems clear in her post that she is willing to stop swinging. That she wants most is this stuff resolved:

He will not listen to me.
He remains angry at me and is constantly bringing everything up, rehashing things, questioning my motives and my fidelity to him.
I am so frustrated and I cry all the time now. I can't function.
I want our marriage to work! But I can't get through to my husband!
If you want to be her sole source of emotional support -- what's your behavior done/not done in addressing her emotions above to date?

Where are you guys at in your healing process as a couple? Found a counselor?

Galagirl

Last edited by GalaGirl; 02-05-2013 at 07:16 PM.
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