Originally Posted by BreatheDeeply
I think it's really a sign of an incredibly mature mind that you are content with who you are and equally accepting of your wife's identity. It's something that is much easier said then done.
That said, it doesn't mean you're a robot and don't have moments of doubt, insecurity and fear. It goes with the territory. Feeling that maybe someone might come along and out-compete you for her attentions is natural. Knowing that doesn't make the fear go away, but it does allow you to compartmentalise those feelings so that you can get on with your life. I think that your wife probably has a very different view of the situation, she might just think she's the luckiest woman in the world to have someone that not only loves her, but accepts her for who she is. Male or female, that's a rare thing.
You hit quite a few things on the head. We are engaged but the wedding and our plans are put on hold now. Before the poly suggestions, we were going to wed and move to Europe for her to finish up her schooling. Now that we have agreed to purchase a home, the desire to move isn't as strong now. So the benefits of getting married aren't as strong since we aren't going overseas. But we do plan on getting over there to live for a short while or perhaps the rest of our lives someday.
I appreciate your kind words towards me, I have always thought of myself as a mature minded fellow even with my younger age. I find it not right to judge any individual for what they are because in their eyes, I may be something that seems weird or lacking substance to them.
I really like the way that you put it though. In a way that I don't feel guilty for my thoughts about her or the situation, I just feel. Feeling that natural way of life for me and trying to put that in a perspective or in a light that looks good all the way around. Her views are very different from mine, and that's part that I'm trying to understand. Why she doesn't feel the way I do? I've put it into examples that have set her in my seat where she basically agrees and tells me she can relate to it in a different sense. But I need to stray away from finding out why she doesn't feel like I do and just accept that it's a different view for her. That it's just sex and nothing more. She tells me she is lucky and couldn't be happier, which makes me feel better in every way. And not so much for myself, but in a way that her happiness is being exposed and expressed because of my doing. My hope is that people find partners that they consider to be true pure love like I do. Because it's the most rewarding thing ever to be loved. And obviously something I'm not willing to pass up on.
I appreciate your time. Thanks.