Friday, February 1st
I get up for work, and Airyn makes me coffee. We talk on the way to the car. He's telling me that Chipmunk has to be at work for 7:30, and that they'll be getting up by 6:30.
Airyn: Yeah is that all right?
Me: so you can get up at 6:30 to get Chipmunk to work, but you can't get up 10 so that I don't spend more then half my day in the living room?
Airyn: Necessity I guess.
Me: *angry* I can make it a necessity. *glaring at Airyn*
Me: *less angry* I was only a sleep for an hour, I've told you I don't like be moved out of the bed room. It's my room too. I have always spent my mornings in the bed room with you. Usually curled up beside you reading a book. Instead I'm spending my time in the living room, and you see you for less then 15 mins. You still aren't cuddling with me when I go to bed. I keep telling you that if you are ok with it on our day, then you need to be ok with it our your day with Chipmunk, or it has to stop happening.
I leave for work still angry, still feeling like I can't trust the things Airyn tells me. First he say he'll get up so I'm not stuck in the living room, then he says he'll message me, neither of those things happen. I should just stop expecting him to follow through. Not that I was surprised, just sad and disappointed.
At work I call to let him know I made it then I login and message him.
1:20 Me: Not sure this is a good Idea, but I'm logged in.
I Love you Airyn, I'm just frustrated.
2:00 Airyn: I know. I'm sorry
2:10 Me: >.>
I've been anxious about it since you asked.
I really was trying not to be upset.
Airyn: Yeah. Going to sleep now. Hope I can make it up to you today.
Me: I'll see you in a few hours. I just want to be close to you.
Airyn: Same. No fighting. Just closeness.
Me: Yes please.
Airyn: Miss you. See you soon.
Me: I miss you too! <3
I get home from work, Airyn drives Chipmunk to her job, we drop Wolf off at school. Then we curl up in bed together. Airyn asks me if I'm feeling better with knowing Chipmunk is moving out. I tell him she's still here, nothing has changed yet.
Airyn: I keep thinking you should be excited that she's moving, but you aren't.
Me: you were pretty upset about it, hard for me to be excited when your upset. I am glad you two are talking about her moving. I'm looking forward to have an actual day not cut up by Chipmunk. I'm hopeful that it actually happens.
Airyn: As I recall I was angry about more then one thing. Like you reading my letter before I gave you permission. And she is moving it's the plan, it's a done deal.
Me: I'm sorry you were angry, are you still angry?
Airyn: I guess not, I'm trying not to think about it.
Me: Hmm. I know that feeling. Not thinking about the things that bother you.
Tell me does Chipmunk know that you have a key logger on her computer?
Airyn: Are you trying to justify reading my letter early?
Me: No Just asking a question.
Airyn: No not specifically, but she knows I can see everything she types, just not how I do it.
Me: Do you still feel that you have nothing to hide?
Airyn and I have always had access to each others informations. Logins and passwords to everything. We have one book with all our login and passwords saved in it. We've talked about this many many times. Airyn has always maintained that he has nothing to hide, and I have said the same thing. When we were teens I used to write things and leave it in places for him to find. He used to go through my things and read the notes I left him. I think this was the first time that Airyn truly realized there is a trust issue between us. It's an issue that has been building for months. Starting back when Chipmunk was working much farther away, and getting worse when he obviously deleted messages he sent her from my phone back in November. As well as a few other incidents.
Me: I probably wouldn't have felt I needed to read it early if other things had been different.
Airyn doesn't respond to that. So we go on about our day. Over all it's a good day. Airyn and I are connecting physically, and I'm beginning to feel like he's actually hearing and understanding me again. We talk about how we both feel more connected with each other, and how much better things have gotten. I tell him that things are easier for me now that he and I are actually getting to spend time together. After talking we curl up naked and fall a sleep for a short nap. Then we have to get up to pick Chipmunk and Wolf up from work and school.
Airyn leaves to pick up Chipmunk. When he gets home and we head out to get Wolf together he tells me that he talked with Chipmunk in the car on the way home. That he asked her to be cool, told her that it's stressing him out that every weekend she gets bothered see he and I together. According to Airyn she says she ok with it, and that she has stuff to do.
Chipmunk spends most of the evening on her tablet, computer and/or napping in her space. We can tell she's uncomfortable, but she's keeping it to herself. Airyn and I get our game on and have a good time. We talk about going out for coffee, but decide to hold that in reserve for when Chipmunk get moody, or emotional. Just as we are finishing a round in our game Chipmunk opens the joining door (the one her space is up against). She has this angry stressy look on her face. Airyn asks what's wrong, and she just points into the living room.
Airyn: Is Wolf being too loud, I'll go talk to her.
So we get up and check on Wolf who's making herself ramen in the kitchen. We ask her to keep it quite and let her know that Chipmunk is going to sleep. Then i point out to Airyn that it is the weekend and it's not even 8pm. That normally Wolf is allowed to stay up till midnight on her days off from school. Airyn tells me that she can stay up but she has to be quite, and considerate of Chipmunk. I agree, and point out that Wolf won't be silent, Chipmunk will need to put in headphones, or put a pillow over her head. They both have to compromise.
Back to our room and our game. Around 10pm I tell Airyn that I'm really tired and need some sleep. This week hasn't been good on me for sleep. He tells me to go a head and lay down. So we snuggle together, then he gets up and goes to cuddle with Chipmunk as she's going to sleep too.