Wednesday, January 30th
I start getting up for work, Airyn comes in and tells me that it's decided Chipmunk is going to move out. That she's opening a savings account like we've been telling her to and starting to actually save to move out. Then he heads to the kitchen to make me some coffee. When I'm dressed and basically ready I meet him in the kitchen, Chipmunk is off in her space. Airyn tells me he thinks he has Chipmunk actually excited about getting her own place. He's telling me it wasn't easy and that there was a good bit of crying at first.
Me: Was it more difficult then living as we are for the past 6 months? More difficult then watching me be sad, and unhappy for another 6 months?
Airyn: No, but it wasn't easy. I feel like this is going to be an "I told you so" moment.
Me: Why? What will make this an "I told you so?"
Airyn: I think you'll find that it's still the same, just me traveling 10 mins between you two. I'll still be dealing with you two not happy with one another.
Me: You think it will be the same problems? That I won't be happier? Won't my being happier make things easier for you?
Airyn: Yeah, you'll probably be happier, but things will be just as difficult if not more so for me. I don't see you actually being ok with me being gone 3 days a week.
Me: Like I said before I would rather be sad and miss you for 3 days a week, then continue to be so unhappy all the time. To be so alone in my own home.
Airyn: *thoughtfully* It will make it easier if you are happy more often.
Airyn is very unhappy, obviously disappointed, and feeling very negative. It makes me sad seeing him so hurt and torn, and I realise he's dealing with the very negative, doom and gloom outlook that Chipmunk always has.
Airyn: I told Chipmunk that she's looking at it wrong. She should look at her getting a place where she and I can hang out on our days and have privacy. I told her we'd do it all together, search for a place, decorate, buy furniture everything. I told her that she's not being kicked out at the end of March, if she needs another pay check or two she can still stay with us.
Me: as long as there is an actual plan for her to be moving out that's fine. I never intended to kick her out with out a place to go. I have always wanted for her to be independent, financially stable. I don't actually want to hurt you guys, I'm just done being miserable here. I know that you two are in love, and I'm trying to be as ok with as much as I can. Distance will help me a lot. I asked for space, and time when she and I broke up and didn't get that.
Airyn: There's wasn't much we could have done. Our space is too small right now.
I'm thinking that they could have slowed things down I asked for that too, and didn't get it. I also asked for them to be more discrete, and that didn't happen either. With Airyn being so very negative, and obviously upset I decide to keep those thoughts to myself. We go back to talking about things between us, he's saying telling me we'll have to talk more about what he's not doing that upsets me. So I leave him with something to think about.
Me: Airyn, you've not been there for me, I'm in new territory, and you tell me you want to be there for me that we are doing this together. Then we go to a gay club where I'm supposed to be able to come back to you for at least discrete togetherness, and I need you, but end up walking away the last couple times trying not to burst into tears. Do you really think that the anxiety and stress I woke up with the next day was NEW? I needed you at that club and you weren't there for me.
Airyn doesn't say anything, I can see he's thinking about that, and I start the car, we kiss and I hurry off to work.
Wednesday day Airyn gets up at Noon and tells me he wants to go out. So we get ready to go out, pack my laptop, and his tablet. We head to a local coffee house that has a good internet connection. Airyn works on school stuff on the laptop, and I mess around with a game on his tablet (one he got for me). Airyn is gmail chatting, and web caming with Chipmunk here and there. He asks me if there's any problem with him and Chipmunk opening a saving account together. I tell him I don't see anything wrong, but that he may not be able to add his name to a checking account with her. Over all he and I chat on and off till time to go. Pick up Wolf then Airyn joins me in the bedroom as I get ready to sleep. He asks me if I'm feeling better knowing that Chipmunk is moving out.
Me: It's nice to think she's moving out, but I still worry you'll try to talking me into her moving with us again.
Airyn: Don't worry about that. It's a done deal. She has a plan and she opening a saving tomorrow to start saving to move out. She and I have been talking about decorating together. She excited about getting her own place.
I sit up and hug him close and tell him it's nice to hear that. Then I lay down to sleep before work. Airyn gives me kisses and tells me he and Chipmunk are going out for a little while. I tell him that's fine, and ask if he'll let me know when he gets back. He asks if I want him to wake me if I'm actually a sleep that sleep has been a problem for me for a while. I nod and tell him to just give me a kiss, I can sleep through that and if I wake worried I may remember he came in, and be able to fall back to sleep. He agrees.
Married to my high school sweat heart (20 year relationship). Talked about Poly, but put the idea off and had a kid instead. Stumbled into an FFM (Vee) that became an FMF (Vee).
No longer dateing my husbands Girlfriend.
Airyn: My husband (Straight)
Chipmunk: My x-GF, My husbands GF (Straight)
Wolf: my Daughter with Airyn
Boots: Social/Friend dating (Bi) Married
History: Social/Friend dating (Bi) Married