Tuesday, January 29th: part 1
When I get up for work that evening the next morning I tell Airyn that I'm really looking forward to our morning tomorrow. Chipmunk has a morning shift, so Airyn and I will be dropping her off at work after taking Wolf to school. She doesn't have to be in till 9, and Airyn is talking about walking. I ask if I should meet him on foot, or if he'd rather I pick him up in the car.
Airyn: I like walking, but would prefer to walk with you, or if you don't want to walk you can just pick me up in the car.
Me: I like to walk too. So let's just meet after you drop her off.
I get out of my work clothes, and dress in jeans and a t-shirt, get my day shoes on and am ready to go in a couple mins.
15 mins later, it's about time for Airyn and Chipmunk to head out if they want to be on time, Airyn comes in and tells me they are going to drive so that Chipmunk can eat before she starts her shift.
I'm a little disappointed I really do like walking with Airyn, but ok. I give Airyn kisses, and tell him I'll see him in a little while. When he gets home he tells me that he's meeting Chipmunk for lunch around 11:30 or noon. He says he's just going to whip something up for her real quick now, and then we can cuddle up and watch a movie till time to go. I help Airyn make some pasta real quick. While we are working in the kitchen Airyn asks me if I'll stay in the living room Thursday morning so he and Chipmunk can have the bedroom to them selves. I give him a look, and he tells me, "I know how you feel about it, and it's not for that so much as just to be able to sleep, and wake up when we want. I tell him that I'm quite, and point out that they don't wake up in the mornings. He tells me that actually I have woken them up. I ask him like yesterday when I was getting ready to go out at 9am, or when i got home from my errands at 11:30? He looks a bit surprised and says I woke him with my sniffling last week, so I tell him I'm not sick any more. He says he's asking for him, and tells me that he'll get up at a reasonable hour so that I'm not stuck in the living room for 4 or 5 hours, so I agree. Then Airyn copies our move over to the laptop, but it's taking a while so we jump into a game for a bit before we lay down. We curl up to watch our movie, and Airyn tells me not to be upset if he falls asleep that he was up late. I tell him ok that I might fall a sleep too. But instead we enjoy the movie, Airyn's even being touchy flirty, and I'm really enjoying it.
Our alram goes off, and we get ready to leave. Airyn's taking me to the coffee house across the street from Chipmunk's job. We get there and hang out for about 15 mins then he walks over to her job, and waits about 30 mins before he joins me back at the coffee shop. Chipmunk didn't get to take her break while Airyn was there, so Airyn left her lunch and meet back up with me. We sat and drank coffee for a while before heading back home to finish our movie. By the time we get home it's 1pm, and so far we've had a nice low stress morning. We curl up and watch our movie. Airyn asks me if I'm having a good day. I tell him that I am, but I'm sad it's almost over. I tell him that it's been really nice to spend time with just him no Wolf, no Chipmunk, just the two of us. I tell him that it has been a very long time since he and I were able to watch a movie with out Wolf knocking at the door, or cuddle up in bed with out Chipmunk making us self conscious.
After our movie we have a sweet, tender moment of sexual connection. We are more connected then we have been in a long while. Before we get done enjoying the aftermath Airyn gets two quick message tones from his gmail.
Airyn: Now what? *checks his messages*
Chipmunk's off work now, she says I can pick her up after we get Wolf, but that's a long while yet. I'm telling her I can get her now.
Me: *Sigh* she wasn't supposed to get off for another hour.
Airyn: Yeah, we almost waited to late.
Then we kiss, and Airyn holds me tight for a moment, and asks me what's wrong.
Me: I already told you what's wrong, Airyn. Earlier I was sad that our day alone was almost over, and now it's ending even earlier.
We get up and get dressed, but I'm still feeling emotional, and vulnerable. I'm kissing on Airyn and tell him that I haven't had enough of him today. He smiles.
Airyn: I know, I wanted to spend more time alone with you too. We'll have more time on Friday. I love you.
Me: I love you too.
Airyn gets home with Chipmunk, and I'm dressed and getting my shoes on. I tell him we have to leave in a few mins to get Wolf, and he tells me he'll get her. Then he leaves the bed room, and comes back with 3 hand written pages. The letter he was writing Sunday night. He set it on the bed between Chipmunk and I and tells us it's for us to read together and there's only the one copy so we have to share. Then he leaves to get Wolf.
I tell Chipmunk that I cheated and have already read it, but I sit beside her and read it again any way. It's how Airyn feels. He's telling us that he loves and appreciates us both for different reasons, that it hurts him when she and I aren't getting along. He's telling us that neither of us should feel threatened or jealous or hate the other. That we have him in common if nothing else, and that our difference should allow us to be good friends. He's saying that he wakes up plotting how to make us both happy, and falls a sleeping thinking about what he could have done better, and where he went wrong. It's emotional, and sweet. It makes me feel sad, angry, and happy all at once.
I'm sad that he's struggling between Chipmunk and I, I'm angry that he's not listening to me and is still trying to force a friendship on me that I don't want, and can't make happen, and happy that he loves me the way he does. I know Chipmunk enough to know that she won't speak first, and at first I'm not sure what I want to say. Chipmunk and I were sitting on the bed reading the note, so I get up and pace a little bit. Then I stop, I'm facing one of the bedroom windows. I look over at Chipmunk slightly teary eyed.
Me: I don't hate you, I don't fear you, and I'm not jealousy of you. What I worry about is what's been happening between me and Airyn. He doesn't really understand. He's asking me to be ok with the same things he tells me he would not be ok with.
I walk out the bedroom door, and hurry to the kitchen. Grabbing some tissues I head back to the bedroom, and hand some to Chipmunk. I turn to leave again, and stop and look back at Chipmunk.
Me: Airyn's asking me to be your friend when what I wanted was to fall in love with you. He can't fix that he can't change that. I am who and what I am, and you are what you are. It's not something that can be changed or fixed, it just is.
Then I walk back to the kitchen open the window that has no screen and curl myself up onto the window sill, and cry till Airyn gets home. Chipmunk does not get herself together enough to say anything to me, she doesn't come to the kitchen to say anything either. I figure it will be a while before she's ready to talk, if at all.
Married to my high school sweat heart (20 year relationship). Talked about Poly, but put the idea off and had a kid instead. Stumbled into an FFM (Vee) that became an FMF (Vee).
No longer dateing my husbands Girlfriend.
Airyn: My husband (Straight)
Chipmunk: My x-GF, My husbands GF (Straight)
Wolf: my Daughter with Airyn
Boots: Social/Friend dating (Bi) Married
History: Social/Friend dating (Bi) Married