Originally Posted by CielDuMatin
LR (and constlady and anyone else): If work was done on a generally-accepted definitions of poly for the legal rights issues surrounding families, what, in your opinion, is "child-friendly" enough to make it safe for you to still be poly and to have this issue become a non-issue? Or would any definition be good enough?
This is a complicated question...
Because what I would find "child-friendly" isn't what the LAW already defines as a child-friendly environment.
I've had multiple short term lovers.... and fuck buddies and fwb and raised my daughter well-but I can tell you right now-that had her father and I gone to court-I would have lost her over that detail and sadly-her life would have been destroyed because he was unable to be a responsible father.
Without a HUGE overhaul of current laws-there isn't much way to include those within a definition AND show the courts that the dynamic is a child-friendly environment.
Furthermore-each state in the US (not to mention any given country) has different laws on the books of what is or what is not acceptable in a "family dynamic" in regards to being a child-friendly environment.
for me the bottom line in raising children is that they need stability, security and safety. So TO ME if a child has a stable environment (where all those extra "for the moment" lovers don't come and go) and the security that all people within the environment (lovers, friends, family whatever) are willing to do whatever is necessary to ensure the child's security and safety.
There are no dangerous situations being created for the child then that wold be good to me.
BUT-how do you define and ensure that? It's ultimately impossible.
I think the argument is pretty much pointless to a large degree-because it's impossible.
I have already decided that defining myself as poly is too risky for my kids. I will tell someone I am in a long term loving relationship with my husband of 11 years and boyfriend of 17 years. But I won't any longer name it-because the risk is too high that the word I choose will lead to conclusions that simply aren't true or correct in my situation.
I think many others have found the same true for them.