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Old 02-05-2013, 03:48 PM
jooshyboy jooshyboy is offline
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Join Date: Feb 2013
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Helo View Post
Ahoy-hoy, welcome to the 'hood.

A point of order (this may be considered picky by some but I feel like its important), calling poly a "lifestyle" can be taken as somewhat of a put-down the same way saying a gay person lives the "gay lifestyle." It it has transient, trendy connotations that dont jive too well with a lot of people who are poly. Its a way of life, at least I feel like it is.
First off, I wasn't trying to downplay poly as a lifestyle, I was more describing my lifestyle in that I am committed to a poly in a monogamist way of life so to speak. If that makes sense. Did not mean to offend anyone here at all. And I appreciate your comment breakdown.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Helo View Post
That's pretty common. Most of us menfolk like to think we have the "magic dick" and are the best our respective partners have experienced. It gets ignored pretty frequently that there is a wide variety in terms of lovers rather than a strict rating system. Yay patriarchy!
Well put, I get better and better with this each day, knowing that she, for what she expresses to me, wants to have a different type of sexual experience with others, rather than with me.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Helo View Post
Good place to start from. She's very lucky in that you're as open minded as you present. A lot of other people have run into monogamous partners who cant/wont understand their point of view and react...very negatively.
Yeah, she really appreciates me be open about it and yes, it has made her overwhelmingly happy at just the thought of being able to experiment if she wants to while being able to come back home to me. I will never be narrow minded in any aspect of life. I'm always trying to understand and adapt, and I'm willing in this regard, even though I don't want to give up in my monogamous way of life.


Quote:
Originally Posted by Helo View Post
A reasonable fear considering your point of view. When someone who is poly or who just loves multiple people, they dont love one at the expense of others. In a solid poly relationship, everybody adds to it and endeavor to cooperate rather than compete. If someone is attempting to nudge you out, that's not someone who wants a constructive relationship and should prompt a discussion with your lady friend.
It's hard to understand from a monogamist point of view, but I do. I know what she describes to me, but at the same time it is hard to adapt and be okay with it. Not that I'm mad at her at all, but it just sometimes gets me down in thinking maybe we shouldn't be together. I mean, when we first got together, this was in no way what she planned. It's just she's used to short relationships and bounced from guy to guy often, so being in a relationship as long as she has with me has definitely strayed away from what shes used to. She does want to stay committed to me above all else though so it's hard to give up on what I value as true love.


Quote:
Originally Posted by Helo View Post
Are you doing this because you're actually taking happiness from her happiness or because you're afraid if you don't, she'll leave?
Honestly, it's a mix of both. I feel as if I don't do this, she may look back on life, even if it was with me, and regret what she could have experienced. It's not worth it to me to have what I want at the expense of what she values and she would've liked to try in her life. She has already told me that she won't leave me and doesn't want me out of her life, so I have that, it's just I can't allow myself to say, "okay, well since you're not going to leave me, let's play by my rules". Does that make sense??


Quote:
Originally Posted by Helo View Post
That's what this place is good for. There's a wealth of experience to draw on. I'm kind of the resident dickhead, everybody else is pretty nice.
Thanks for your words. I'm pretty thick-skinned so I can take things pretty well in stride. One way or another. I appreciate your help.
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