I think you should sit down with your boyfriend and be blunt with him. Tell him that having her needs met is not something that can be ignored. She's not spontaneously going to be ok with you. And the longer shes struggles with her feelings, the more uncomfortable this situation is becoming for you. It doesn't sound like he understands how serious this is, or if he does, he's hoping that somehow it's just all going to work out ok. I think that's unlikely.
Take the risk of thinking for yourself, much more happiness, truth, beauty, and wisdom will come to you that way. - C. Hitchens
Me: Male, bi, 48, flexible