Thread: Need advice
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Old 02-05-2013, 04:29 AM
ThatGirlInGray ThatGirlInGray is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Northern Cali
Posts: 552

Originally Posted by mrblueeyesxxx View Post
I just don't want her to have any level of emotional connection with other men. That's it. I want to be her sole source for emotional support. If that makes me controlling by everyones definition on here then so be it.
So is she not allowed to have friends and family members from whom she receives emotional support or has an emotional connection? Particularly male friends?? I realize that probably isn't what you mean, so it would behoove you to figure out exactly what you DO mean and where that feeling is coming from. It may be something you will need to work through, unless you plan on cutting her off from every male she might potentially make an emotional connection with, regardless of whether sex is involved or not. (Yes, I realize I'm pushing this WAY to an extreme. I'm doing it to try to show you how ridiculous and unrealistic the statement "I want to be her sole source for emotional support." is.)

And, yeah, to come on a POLYAMORY board and say "I don't want my wife having an emotional connection with another man" and then expect positive reactions- well, that's pretty foolish, since emotional connections are a big part of what poly is about. If you came on here saying, "I need help dealing with this, it's very difficult." you would get TONS of understanding and support. Many people here came to poly through swinging and have probably been in shoes very similar to yours. But I'm betting from the way you phrased that last sentence that no matter what we say now, you're not going to be open to listening because you've classified us as "against" you since we've identified your (common, perhaps even "normal" in some mono relationships) behaviors as controlling. Hopefully you can realize that no one's doing it with malice. We are spending our free time to try to help and give what advice we can, which includes identifying the behaviors we see as being part of the problem.
Pan Female, Hinge in a V between my mono (straight) husband, Monochrome and my poly (pan) partner, ThatGuyInBlack
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