Originally Posted by SchrodingersCat
I didn't so much advise "letting a child do whatever they want" as I pointed out that children will do whatever they want, whether you "let" them or not. You admit this yourself.
I certainly did point that out, yes. However, it seems to me that you blur the line between being supportive of your kids when shit happens, and letting them do shit regardless of the consequences. Simply letting them know you'll be there is important, but enforcing rules is also equally important.
You're not going to stop loving your son if he gets a girl pregnant, but he should damn well know that if it does happen, you're going to put his ass through the wringer. Yes, you can talk to him and inform him of the life choices that entail, but I see no issue in laying down some good old fashioned authority. YOU are the provider, YOU are the holder of resources, YOU are the one in charge. Again, that's how parenting goes, and you are indeed meant to control your kids because how the heck else are they going to traverse life in their early stages of life - they have NOTHING to draw on.
Also, strict parents =/= bad parents. I have no idea the situation with your daughter, but for me, I had strict Chinese parents. At the time, I hated their rules, but years later, I am now aware that I was a little shit and if I didn't have some fear of their wrath in me, I would have gotten kicked out of school and/or ran off. Again, different situation, but not an invalid method at all. My personality at the time would have taken advantage of any leniency they would have shown. If you were my parent, I would have walked all over you, knowing that I could do shit right in front of you. If you have a wild child, it doesn't matter how much of a buddy you are to them - you're just going to get exploited, and your kid will have a messed up life because you couldn't assert yourself and shine a light on their antics with the fact that you're one who is supposed to be in control.