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Old 02-04-2013, 11:02 PM
RainyGrlJenny's Avatar
RainyGrlJenny RainyGrlJenny is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Seattle
Posts: 256

Wow, so long since I've posted here!

Things are mostly good. Fly has been dating a woman to whom he was attracted to about 10 years ago, but for various reasons had decided not to pursue at that time. They have begun seeing each other, and had sex for the first time about a week ago. He's very happy about the whole thing, but I have some reservations and feel like there are some red flags with the situation. One is that she says she wants variety and freedom with no emotional ties other than friendship, but her relationships/sexual experiences are very limited, and she seems like she's crushing hard on Fly in a very romantic sense. That would be fine, except it's not what he wants, and I feel that for her sake he needs to be very clear about what he's available for and interested in. Also, he is her superior at work, and workplace dating is forbidden. He could get into a lot of trouble if things go bad. Luckily, he also sees these red flags, and while he's got some NRE/NSE (New Sexual Energy) going on, he is being very cautious and open-eyed about everything.

The part I'm really struggling with is that they go on dates. The kinds of dates I've been begging Fly to take me on for literally years. They went to a play, they're going to Cirque du Soleil and the symphony...these are things that Fly has told me he doesn't want to do, but it turns out he'll do them for some fresh nookie. This has caused me a lot of frustration, and yes, some jealousy. What scares me is that it triggers a knee-jerk desire to control their relationship, and that really bothers me. We've gotten to a really great place where we have very few "rules," mostly pertaining to safer sex and courtesy/respect for each other as partners. Now, I have moments of wanting to tell him I'm not going to watch kiddo while he's on dates, that if he doesn't do equal numbers of those kinds of dates with me he can't do them with her, all those nasty insecurity kinds of behaviors. Sometimes I get so wound up and feel so taken advantage of, so taken for granted, that I start to think about leaving him, ending the relationship. Blech.

It's stupid, because that's not who I want to be. However, Fly, without any prompting, told me he thinks he should start doing those kinds of activities with me too. I know he loves me, I know our relationship is solid at the foundation, but I really need him to show me that I'm more than cooking dinner and taking the kiddo to school and all the mundane day-to-day stuff while the other chick gets all the romance and carefree fun. I'm working hard to deal with my emotional stuff, and he's trying hard to understand and take care of me.

This weekend, I begin a house sitting gig that will last a week, and immediately from that I'm going to the ocean with Moonlight for a couple days. I think it will be good for both of us - I won't see him much, so maybe it will give us a break from the we-live-together-and-see-each-other-every-single-day static that buzzes in our relationship. Also, he will have to deal with all the things I usually do, and I'm hoping he'll appreciate me a little more once he realizes how easy I make his life. Anyway, I'll be back in the house on the 19th, and the 20th is our 7-year anniversary. He's in charge of planning the anniversary celebration, so we'll see what he has in store for us.

Moonlight and I are doing well, except that we still have issues where I'm not as available as she would like me to be. We're trying to come up with ways to combat that, but some of it is just reality. We've got 3 dates coming up over the next two weeks, including an overnight, and then I'll get to spend two days with her at the beach, which will be our first "getaway." We're both really looking forward to that.

- Moonlight, single, leans monogamous, girlfriend since 6/2012
- Punk, married guy, poly, FWB since 9/2011 with an emphasis on the "F"
- No longer lives with ex-boyfriend Fly (1/2006 - 12/2013, my introduction to nonmonogamy, ultimately amicable breakup), and his 11-year-old son Kiddo
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