In the course of the conversations The Pidge and I had recently, I found myself thinking a lot about how we got to where we are now. It turned out that a lot of the things I had seen as negative at the time were actually mixed blessings.
The Pidge and I met in March of 2010. I was living with MD Guy, in a non-sexual relationship of 7 years that met his needs for a home health aide, but ignored my needs to be in a physical relationship with someone. Pidgie was in year 10 of her domestic partnership with the Banshee. The Banshee considered herself free to have sex with anything that moved (and a few things that didn't, I *still* wonder about that dead possum she dragged home) and the Pidge was living a celibate life, afraid of whatever germs the Banshee might be coated in.
Pidge and I fell fast and hard for each other, and to say it wigged me out was an understatement. I had never had a relationship with a woman before, and I was lost in typical "Am I gay? Am I straight?" brainloops without a soul on the planet I could talk to about any of it. While the Pidge had the green light from the Banshee to see other women in theory, The Banshee never missed an opportunity to remind Pidgie that it would always and only be bad sex, because the Pidge was unlovable, and lousy in bed to boot. Not to mention that if the Banshee saw anything she didn't like, she'd find a way to take their house, and leave the Pidge homeless, and alone. Ah....what a nurturing person the Banshee is.
New Years of 2010 arrived, and I found out that the Pidge had been talking to another woman online, and had in fact met up with her a few months before. The whole thing was confusing, and still is. I have had to come to terms with not knowing for sure what the true extent of that was, what the Pidge's intentions were, what really happened. I know the Pidge lied to me, and continued to try to hold that lie together until I threw the evidence in her face. I know she says one thing happened, the evidence would appear to say something else happened, but I can never be sure. All I could be sure of was that I had been lied to,and had my trust betrayed.