Originally Posted by Emm
I'm not sure I'd call that DADT. Many people (possibly you included, which is why I'm using your post as a jumping off point) seem to be equating DADT with privacy, whereas I see it as having more to do with secrecy.
Your partners know that the other exists. You know when they're seeing others, even if you don't care about the details. If you didn't tell either of your guys that there was anyone else or if they just disappeared on "business trips" every week or two and didn't tell you about their Others then by my definition it'd be DADT. As it is I'd call it open/poly without everyone being forced under a magnifying glass.
Feel free to use my post. I definitely respect the privacy of my lover, but it does occur to me there is no obligation to "tell" in our relationship. I didn't word it as well in my first post. If telling happens it is voluntary. And it is likely there are people I haven't been told about and I also don't ask. We've never discussed that other lovers must be disclosed, or never disclosed. It was odd to realize that was never set as a point of dialogue (or a point to be avoided) for my love BB and I. So I agree with you it's not DADT. It is much closer to it than I would've thought I wanted.
I believe I can live with knowing so little because there are very few people I know with as much integrity as BB. I believe and trust his judgement without reservation. That makes it easy.