View Single Post
Old 02-04-2013, 01:04 PM
nycindie's Avatar
nycindie nycindie is offline
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: The Big Apple
Posts: 8,779

Originally Posted by BoringGuy View Post
. . . you could just accept him for what he is, not what you wish he were, and just have fun and share his company and sex. But don't merge your lives (especially finances) together and don't have any expectations that he'll "be there" for you through thick and thin. Find someone else to create a home with, who will pick you up when you miss the last train home or go to the store and buy the juice you like when you're sick.

You can't "make this work" the way you want all by yourself. Even if you do all the "right" things, the other people will still do what THEY want.
This is pretty much what I was going to write. I really don't see why his feelings for someone else are important to you and require updates from him. Do you really want to be monitoring his emotions? People act like the moment love is involved, or the words "I love you" are said, that it is supposed to be some earth-shattering big deal with rockets going off and romantic music playing in the background. People love, feelings arise, and feeling love toward someone is as common as mud. But love is not enough to make a relationship successful, so I would say not to place so much importance on whether he loves someone else or not - just look at your own personal boundaries and expectations, see if some are unrealistic, revise if necessary, and/or determine whether or not he is respectful of them. Get things straight in your own relationship with him, be clear about where you stand, and see what you can accept. Does it work for you the way it is without changing anything? If not, are the changes you want really applicable to this person? Perhaps it is a good idea to stop needing so much from him, accept what you've got, love him for who he is, and seek the kind of primary connection you want with someone else.
The world opens up... when you do.

"Oh, oh, can't you see? Love is the drug for me." ~Bryan Ferry
"Love and the self are one . . ." ~Leo Buscaglia "

Click here for a Solo Poly view on hierarchical relationships
Click here to find out why the Polyamorous Misanthrope is feeling disgusted.

Last edited by nycindie; 02-04-2013 at 01:08 PM.
Reply With Quote