Originally Posted by Velvet
As metamours the two men I am with only know what sort contraception/STD preventing safety is being used, well and I guess that there is physical intimacy. Aside from that, I live with my guy Ave, and if I go out with my long-distance relationship BB he knows when I will be out and when I will be back.
And it does go both ways. BB has had other relationships but I don't even know the women's names. It just never interested me. As long as the sex is safe I never cared. His other relationships are rare and don't last long (I might be horrible for saying that but it is true). All I hear is when he tells me there is someone new he has dating (but not right away, just eventually).
I'm not sure I'd call that DADT. Many people (possibly you included, which is why I'm using your post as a jumping off point) seem to be equating DADT with privacy, whereas I see it as having more to do with secrecy.
Your partners know that the other exists. You know when they're seeing others, even if you don't care about the details. If you didn't tell either of your guys that there was anyone else or if they just disappeared on "business trips" every week or two and didn't tell you about their Others then by my definition it'd be DADT. As it is I'd call it open/poly without everyone being forced under a magnifying glass.