I feel connection first and then look for common ground. I don’t seek out common ground to form that connection.
How do I deal with someone who has very different views than my own?
I accept their opinions and if I feel connection I look for that common ground like a pig looking for truffles…. Redpepper is a major case in point. WOW are we different, but wow are we connected!! There is something in her that is worth all the energy I have to find that common ground. Luckily our energies seem synced even when our opinions often don't The biggest part of that common ground is our energy...our love.
If I don’t feel that connection or sense they intend on persisting on moot points of difference…..I just don’t….I move on. There are way too many people in this world for me to get caught up on trying to connect with one of them unless there is that something about them. I don’t feel the need.
I get really moved by your writing. It makes me think of my love and me. He is so different he always knows the right questions to ask and the important issues to adress with people. While I just like people (or not) and can have really nice conversations without addressing the topics that are obviously of importance.
What even more hit me was that my relationship is draining at the moment. We have a lot of fights over minor and big issues. And it seems that our energy is just missing. The energy that was always just there, making connection simple. It seems sometimes our commongrounds is all there is left.
I am not going to leave us there bleeding to death. I want to find out what the drain is and block it. Our differences in communication on one hand, our differences in needs in a relationship on the other (he poly, I mono), and I probably will need some more hands...
It is the connection, it's that enormous love I experience when the energy is
flowing and not the commongrounds that makes me want to invest all my time and energy.
Though I must add that commongrounds like ours, including a way of life, mutual enterprise and children is more than enough for most people to do what one can.
While writing this it occurs to me like RedPepper writes it is also me thinking I'm not good enough. That I have to be, communicate like my husband to be "good" and give my everything. So I have to accept that my way of being and communicating is also OK. And also that his way of loving, his needs are also OK. Just acceptance.... It is so simple and difficult at the same time.