Originally Posted by nondy2
Since people have written about have sex early - would some of you share your first experiences? In retrospect, did you handle the relationships well? Did you have any problems socially, being critized by others? Did you have any trouble with STDS or pregnancy? Did you tell your parents? Where they healthy relationships? It would be great to have insight. I didn't have sex until 1st or second year in college. I wouldn't say I had my first "successful" sexual relationship until 24, and even that wasn't so great!
I was sexually abused over lots of years and by different people as a child, I'm a little touchy about what constitutes 'first.' I suspect that most of the 'problems' that followed were very much related to that. I also did not know that until I was 29.
Given that, I first chose to have sex with a boy when I was about 15 and some months. He was a very bad boy, smoked, got detention, probably spent time in juvy. His dad was dying of cancer, his mom was long gone (many years later he wrote me from prison). I knew he wanted to have sex with me and I had been resisting. I wore what I thought were my least sex-friendly clothes (hard to get into). He actually cried. I had sex with him, outdoors, on the back steps of a church. There was no latex whatsoever.
The next day, he brought me a rose, in the school office where I worked. His eyes got heavy and he was all, i dunno, NRE? with me. In that moment, I found power. Pathetic, but I remember thinking I pwned him. And I did.
Later, I found out he was telling people I wasn't a virgin because I didn't bleed. I realized that boys did not get told the same things girls were told in sex education class. I continue (37 years later) to be amazed at men's ignorance of female anatomy. I told him he wasn't the first thing to be up there (I'd had a gyn exam by then, and I used tampons) *duh*. It's not like he told the whole school. I was quite a slut, given the times; however, everyone knew me as the best little girl in the world, and they would have been shocked to know what a slut I was; and had anyone told them, they would not have believed the teller.
Also, after I'd 'given it up' I figured there wasn't much difference and I might as well enjoy it. At some point, I had sex with the boy who had been my boyfriend previously. Then I had my 'long-term' boyfriend. We had sex like rabbits. My parents knew, but never really explicitly discussed with me. At one point, I told my mom I wanted the car, so I could go to planned parenthood. She offered to take me, and I said I felt like I'd like to go alone. I was all convinced I was going to the pill, and they ended up convincing me to get diaphragm. Yeah, a few times with that, and I was right back for the pills. I was mostly excessively lucky that I never got pregnant. That was also before anyone knew about AIDS.
It was not a healthy relationship (any of those three), but my long-term was the healthiest possible, given our ages and our issues. Both of our parents were as supportive as they could be (given our ages and their (massive) issues). I look back on it with much more kindness than I had while I was in it.
We were masses of hormones, flailing in the darkness. I remember thinking then, I better do all the crazy shit I'm gonna do, because when I get old, I'm not gonna do this crazy shit.