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Old 01-03-2010, 09:01 PM
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LovingRadiance LovingRadiance is offline
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Location: Alaska
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Are you all four living together?
Yes, we do all live together. Sometimes it's ultra hectic-but at times like right now (after my surgery) it's nice to have everyone in one place where they can all help one another!

Learning what everyone is comfortable calling each other is a job for any mixed family. We encountered that when we married (maca and I) as we had mine, his and then ours children. The kids decided on their own that they are just "sister and brothers". They don't identify it any more specific for people outside of the family. The general rule of thumb in our house is that there are no "half people and therefore no half siblings". It seems to work well. As for the adults-they all call me mom. That was mostly because the only one in question was D-my stepson. But I've had him since he was 18 months and after his mom threw a fit from hell over him calling me mom, his obstinate streak kicked in-and I was mom from then on out.

Most of the time Maca is dad to all of them. But occassionally my oldest will call him by his given name. The youngest flips between mom, dad, and given names all of the time because she's just learning them.
Personally I just don't much concern myself with WHAT they call me as long as it's respectful.

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My children like it when M is around especcially my youngest for who he is a playmate. The two elder find him a lot of times just as irritating as their other small brother. For me I see I sometimes have too little time to give full attention to all four. This is the difficulty of a mother of course after your first the others will always have to share you.
Very true. I find though that now that the oldest two are getting up there (13 and 18) I have more time to spend one on one with the younger two, as one can be attended by an older sibling and then switch.

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This feels a bit like my relation as well. I was the first and only one to love and live with my husband for 11y and now I have to share him already 4y. This is still painfull for me. He loves a lot of people (2women and 4 children) but always feels he's doing someone short (S is not living in with us, so he feels he leaves us to be with her and M). These feelings suck! But how to share such shitty feelings and come to something positive?! That's my quest.
To be honest-I think that your situation is more difficult in that you don't all live together. It would be my preference that if/when Maca finds another lover that she would be so special as to live with our family. In my mind it makes things so much easier as there is much less time taken away in order to spend time together. This is something I've been talking with Maca about quite a bit lately.
If one can spend time with both/all of their lovers simultaneously then there is a lot less "time lost" between lovers.
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