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Old 01-03-2010, 08:45 PM
Estar Estar is offline
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: green lowlands
Posts: 5
Default folowing a thread about children

Dear Loving Radiance,

[QUOTE=LovingRadiance;16641]Estar-just keep reminding yourself-that you don't have to "be" what someone else is in order to love them for who they really are.
Thank you. I'm really sometimes so angry I think I have to go out and find myself another lover as well. Which would complicate my life probably far too much next to not feeling "lovely".

Maca and I are "mommy" and "daddy" for our little one-but Greengecko is her bio-father. Everyone knows, it's no secret. He loves her, but more than anything he loves watching her and Maca interact (his words I'm only repeating them). He found true compersion for that relationship and it's magnificent for me to watch him watching them!
Wow, I also love M very much. But it is different from how I love my own three children. I'm also still judging myself in that. Am I treating them equal? I sometimes see myself even promoting M for being afraid to put him last in things. Are you all four living together?
For my daughter (7) it was most difficult to find out how to relate to her new brother as well as to S. How to call them: stephbrother, halfbrother, mother, aunt... (just names are most easy we found out) She is still really busy with our familytree, going back some generations. The occurrence of halfbrothers and -sisters is not so strange of course, but when she told about it to other people she noticed our situation was a bit unususal. In the beginning she was enjoying this very much, the reaction of others as well as the attention she got by introducing a new babybrother (1y then). I was not so happy with that. People started asking questions. Most of them here (the Netherlands) are really broadminded and just accepted it as OK if that is what you are doing and are happy with. Some of them felt the uneasiness in me and kept asking questions. It pushed me over to fear and doubt, jealousy and pain. This was 1,5y ago and I'm still working my way back to the feeling that it is a really beautifull and loving experience.

My children like it when M is around especcially my youngest for who he is a playmate. The two elder find him a lot of times just as irritating as their other small brother. For me I see I sometimes have too little time to give full attention to all four. This is the difficulty of a mother of course after your first the others will always have to share you.

This feels a bit like my relation as well. I was the first and only one to love and live with my husband for 11y and now I have to share him already 4y. This is still painfull for me. He loves a lot of people (2women and 4 children) but always feels he's doing someone short (S is not living in with us, so he feels he leaves us to be with her and M). These feelings suck! But how to share such shitty feelings and come to something positive?! That's my quest.

The children are actually just wonderful growing their ways in four so different, special and known ways. It is a great gift and I hope that they pick out the best that is to learn from our relation situation.

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