But that's not a DADT policy. When she goes to spend the night with her gf, she doesn't tell you that she's going on a business trip. You know she has this girlfriend, you know that they have sex, and you know that they're together when they are.
The opposite of DADT is not "we tell each other each and every thing that happens when we're together with our other partner." The opposite of DADT is disclosure about the fact of having the relationship, the fact of having sex with someone else, the fact of where you're going when you go out. How much detail you give one another about those other relationships is a different spectrum altogether.