I am surprised I've never seen this thread until today...
I think your wife has asked for way too much too many times, and I think you will regret that you've always caved to what she wants, that might be a good issue to work on in counseling too - why you aren't comfortable saying no when you mean no.
I'd sure change my password again too, and let her no in clear language that she does not have the right to try to remove my support system from me, and that if she was behaving in a right manner, she wouldn't be worried about you were saying said about her to your friend. I imagine she wouldn't "allow you" to have any privacy in communication with girlfriends either?
I foresee a big problem when you find a relationship of your own, because lets say she is willing to actually stay at home so you have time to go spend with your partner, if you decide for parity you want to spend the same amount of time as she does out of the house, then your relationship is pretty much down to roommates who pass in the night. I find it irresponsible that she will spend so much time from home when you have young children, and I wonder if it's not a bit irresponsible of you to agree to it happening too. Do you consider her to be a good parent?
Happiness will never come to those who fail to appreciate what they already have.