The W and I had a discussion today at lunch where we disagreed on how much we tell our 5 year-old girls about her relationship with her guy. Now that we've agreed on a schedule, W is going to be going to her guy's house 4 times every two weeks. She'll be leaving before the girls go to bed and not coming back home until she gets off work the following day. She told me she has told the girls a few times in the past she has been going to see "guy".
I told her I am NOT OK with this. I do not want our girls under any circumstances to think W has a boyfriend or that W is spending the night with a guy. Wife tried to convince me I shouldn't feel this way (again discrediting my feelings). I am going to start telling the girls that mommy is going to see some friends, or going to a party, or something similarly vague. I'd rather not lie to them, but I do not want them knowing the real truth. I feel they are too young and impressionable and could start thinking mommy is getting a new husband or they are getting a new father, and I am NOT OK with any of that. I don't want them to EVER think she is spending the night with a guy.
I'm OK if guy sees the girls occassionally, but I'd rather it not be too much. It's OK with me if they see him as a friend that's no different than our other friends we might have dinner with as a family once per week or play games with every week. I am NOT OK with them ever thinking mommy has someone who is a romantic interest.
I'm not going to bend to her on this. I've given her so much (more than probably 99% of husbands on this planet would), but she's going to have to do what I want in this regard. I'm prepared to pull the plug on this polyamory experiment if I ever hear one of my girls say something like "Why does mommy spend the night at "guy"'s house, or "Why does mommy go to see "guy" so much?"