View Single Post
Old 02-01-2013, 08:40 PM
jooshyboy jooshyboy is offline
New Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 4
Default Monogamist and a Poly

Hey everyone,

I'm definitely new to this lifestyle and really haven't begun it yet. I figure that bouncing ideas off others and having someone else (besides my partner) to talk to about my feelings and emotions may be therapeutic for me.

To start off, I am the monogamist. I've been in an incredible relationship with my partner for the past year and a half. We met online and really hit it off when we first met each other. In a way we are similar people who are completely opposite. Both very intelligent and have a firm grasp on what love is and how we feel about one another, but desire to live life in different fashions.

I only recently found out that she deeply wanted to be with other people. Not in a way that replaces me or puts me down, but in a way that she can still live her life to the extent that she has always dreamed of. I've definitely remember her talking about polygamy and how society casts it aside as a negative thing. She has very good reasons as to why it shouldn't be looked at differently and I can't argue with what she has to say. I'm very supportive of pretty much everything she does and desires.

My partner is a very mature individual who has already experienced more with others that I ever wish to in my lifetime. Just sort of the way I adopted my views on relationships and how I held the importance of them. My partner has had some regrettable choices that she has made in the past but I don't really think she would ever wish them to be taken away. For her, it's a memory hook, something that occurred in her life that she can look back on for the rest of her life. A lot of these have to do with sexual partners and flings.

When we started our relationship, I was sort of intimidated because I felt I would be inadequate to the needs that she holds important. Not saying that I'm bad in bed, but I am definitely not as experienced as her. I found out that I was wrong in my thoughts. She very much enjoys our sexual encounters, as do I and we are always working on improving them as well.

But this is just background info. There is a lot more that goes into our relationship, and it is definitely different from many others (not just in the poly/mono sense). To get to my point though, she has expressed to me her interest in having more sexual encounters, more playing, more games etc with others. From a monogamist standpoint, and especially at first, for a relationship to feel so great and for things to be going in strides in the right direction, it's hard for me to see her want to be with someone else. We have made some serious compromises though and have been very open with each other communication wise, so I feel the true trust I have with her is pure and won't fade. I just want to be able to communicate to her how I feel in this regard. It means so much to me that she gets what she wants out of life, but at the same time, I don't want to risk what we have with one another.

I'm afraid some guy/girl might come along and attempt to compete with me. That's honestly my biggest fear. The sexual encounters are one thing, still difficult to process now, but it's that fear that she'll want to fall in love with someone else and I will part of this triangle. Not to say that I have anything against the practice, but it's just not how I want to live my life. I don't want to have doubts about our life, because I see her as my life partner, and I don't regret any instance that we have had.

She is everything to me and I have to let her fly in the way she was intended. She comes home very happy and has expressed that she hasn't loved me more than she has now, given that I have sort of allowed this to occur. I'm just a sucker when it comes to being alone, especially if she's out and about and I'm not sure where she is. I want to know that she is safe and secure, even if it's with someone else at the time.

So I just need some similar stories, advice, tips, or ideas of dealing with this. I have told her that I will allow it, and we have established our rules which is very reassuring, but I just need a community to help me understand and chat with from time to time. Given that we are just about to make a huge commitment to one another by buying a home, I just want to make sure we are both happy with one another and aren't going to be broken down because of this down the road. I don't want to let it happen, but at this point, I'm just afraid of the worst case scenarios.. They always seem to creep their way in.

For those who read this, I greatly appreciate it and any comments would be lovely. Thanks
Reply With Quote