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Old 02-01-2013, 05:56 PM
WhatHappened WhatHappened is offline
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Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 923

Originally Posted by RockerChick View Post
I'm wondering how other people adjusted to the sudden realization (if it was) of being poly? How did you come to terms with falling in love with a second person while still being in love with the first? Was it difficult or easy for you? Did you seek poly counseling, or do it on your own?

I think there's ongoing discussion as to whether poly is something you ARE or something you DO.

My personal belief is that anyone is capable of falling in love with two or more people at the same time, given the right two or more coming along. I also expect it varies, with some people falling in love more frequently and quickly overall. I spent my early marriage 20 to 25 years ago being very much in love with my husband yet having a massive infatuation with someone else. I do wish I'd realized at the time that it was quite normal, that it happened to many people. I could have dealt with it more easily instead of feeling guilt. (I never acted on it, btw.)

At the same time, I feel that defining myself as BEING poly would in a sense chip away at my free choice in life, because we live in a world that gives us the message that if we are such and such, we can only be happy and fulfilled if we act on that, and in fact that we have a right and almost a responsibility, to pursue that. I, personally, don't believe that. I believe I can be in love with someone and choose, based on all the criteria, not just my feelings, whether to act on that or not.

I think--I hope--that answers, "how other people adjusted to the sudden realization (if it was) of being poly?" In short: I believe I'm capable of falling in love with multiple people. Yet I don't define myself as poly. I see it as perfectly normal, run of the mill, common to the human experience.
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