Well, we settled on a schedule I think I can live with for now. I studied it carefully and I'm getting more face-time than her guy, and the children are getting more face-time, so we're going to try it for a while. I agreed to try it with a couple of HUGE caveats: If it becomes too much for me to handle emotionally, we can modify to reduce guy's face-time, and we begin to work hard on our own relationship so that I can get my needs met as well. We purposely built-in at least one date night/week with me alone (getting a babysitter).
Things seemed to go pretty well in counselling. We're going to continue that for a while. W was nice in bed last night, coming over to my side and grabbing my hand.