Thread: Conundrum
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Old 02-01-2013, 12:00 AM
Yumi Yumi is offline
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Oregon
Posts: 8

Sparklepop. Yes. P & S have been together for seven plus years, they have been poly for the last four years; as they were monogamous while trying to conceive their son. P and myself have been together for about a year and a half. Yes, I would call P, S, and B as being in a V, with P being the hinge. Also yes, I am P's secondary. Yes, I am happy with where I am at - it has taken a moment to get there. When they (P & B) first got together I did have feelings of jealousy and insecurity - because I saw that their relationship had quickly elevated to something roaming in a primary level - and it made me wonder why ours had never gotten to that point.. as well as 'oh hey, it is possible'. Which kind of led to trying to make our relationship more than what it was, and not accepting our relationship for what it is. My primaries are school and work, and so I don't have a lot of extra free time to spend on relationships, so ours works perfectly for that - other than the occasional headache of trying to coordinate schedules. Spontaneity can be rare. With that, I had not been been 'acting' poly that much, in terms of getting my needs met by more than one person.. so our relationship was strained for a minute due to the danger of me treating it like a pseud-monogamous one. However once I realized that I had not been accepting our relationship for what it is, I have felt much better - and we are in a better place.

For the most part I am okay with her moving in there, because I am much more of a lone wolf - I like my individual/me time.. and there are always people at that house. The main thing that I have concerns about is time management and healthy boundaries. When she first started exhibiting this behavior of interrupting and inserting herself into our time, and he allowing it. I flat out told him that I'm not going to compete - that isn't a type of relationship that I desire - to where I feel I need to compete with someone else.

B and myself don't see each other that often, or have had time to get to know each other. She is friendly and cordial to me, and I am the same way to her.

BoringGuy. I love that!

The problems I feel saying no would cause... is mostly between P and myself, for he would ask why I wouldn't want to. Then I would have to go into detail why. I want to be open with him about these things, however I know that he has been dealing with issues involving B for the most part this last week, and S a little bit. So part of me feels not wanting to add to the issues at the moment, and letting him have some head space to work it out, and not overwhelm.

I thank you all for your responses.

Last edited by Yumi; 02-01-2013 at 07:47 AM. Reason: Corrected triad with V.
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