Need advice please!!!!
My husband and I have been in the swinging lifestyle off and on for about 7 years. When we met we talked about our fantasies and discovered that he liked the idea of being a voyeur and I liked the idea of being watched. In all honesty I thought it would just stay as a hot fantasy that we talked about. Slowly, my husband wanted me to sleep with another guy. It took me years to be comfortable with the idea. I wanted to be sure that we had a rock solid marriage and that we were doing this for the right reasons.We started off slow, some hits, some misses. Then I fell pregnant with our first child and we took a break.
After having my child, I had difficulty getting back into the lifestyle. My husband was not happy with me, I felt different. It was so hard for me to get that confidence back, but I wanted to and I knew it would make my husband happy if we got back into the lifestyle. So after 4 years we made a decision to revisit the lifestyle.
Here is where the story turns. Turns out, my husband wanted to see me with a black man. This took some time for me to be ok with, but I found out quickly that black guys are very very very attracted to me. And so I agreed that if I was attracted to the guy I would sleep with him. I have now been with quite a few black guys and it is fun. The problem is, my husband has suddenly turned on me. He says he is not jealous or anything but he is furious at me for being with two guys that he believes I had feelings for. It is affecting our marriage. I am upset because I was ok with NOT swinging and my fears of him turning against me have come true! He is upset because he thinks I am.... I don't even know what... In love with these guys? Which I am not! I am completely committed to my husband. I love him and was only open to this lifestyle BECAUSE of him! Admittedly the two guys he refers to I did have a friendship with. But never in a million years did I ever want more than hot sex with them. One of them had problems keeping it up, and my husband got mad about that. We bent over backwards for this guy, I even met him alone, because he said that is the only way he would be comfortable. We are both mad about that, but my husband blames me and solely me for this mess! I have SINCE cut off all contact with these guys.
I have told my husband we can stop the swinging. I have told my husband that he can go sleep with another woman that he wants. I don't care! I just want our marriage to be ok! He will not listen to me. He remains angry at me and is constantly bringing everything up, rehashing things, questioning my motives and my fidelity to him. I am so frustrated and I cry all the time now. I can't function. I want our marriage to work! But I can't get through to my husband!!! He seems to think that I should be able to **** just any guy, that I shouldnt have to be attracted to them! Also, he used to complain that I never really go into ******* the other guys so I changed and made a real effort and now he thinks I am all obsessed and in love with these guys. WHICH I AM NOT!!! How do I convince him and fix all of this? I feel backed into a corner.
Please someone help me!!!
Last edited by Hrnycple; 01-31-2013 at 10:23 PM.