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Old 01-31-2013, 06:27 PM
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NovemberRain NovemberRain is offline
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Join Date: Dec 2011
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Thanks, IP.

I'm home sick today, and was yesterday too. :P It's very weird. I'm not so sick that I can't get out of bed, but I am clearly to sick to go to work.

I'm still wavery about the breakup. I'm mostly doing my no-contact by not thinking about it. Being careful to switch the radio station if a sad love song comes on. Not that I want to take up with him (CBF) again, but I do love him, and wish for his well-being. And thinking about what that means to my behaviour. I'm still pretty pissed at him.

I'm also socializing as much as I can. That's very nice. It's a very good way for me to love myself. Had coffee with the local poly women, celebrated a friend's birthday, saw the Hobbit with a friend's husband (because we didn't know anyone else who would go). Keeps me busy, but also, it makes me appreciate myself, and my not being with CBF.

I found some very old writings on my computer, among them, the stuff I wrote to FBF when I was in my no-contact with him (like 8 years ago). That was enlightening. It was about two or three months after our no contact ended, and I had written more. What I was grateful for, what I would always be grateful for, and a little of what I was still angry about. [When our intimate relationship began, I had asked him to sit with me on the day my mom died. He was absolutely amazing. If I never had another interaction with him, that alone will make me love him forever.]

FBF was very sweet last night on the phone. Called me darling at the end of the conversation. My greatest ambition is to continue to be okay with loving him in a way that's comfortable for *him*, instead of my crazy, clingy, norm.

While I would sort of like someone to physically comfort me while I'm sick; I really don't want to make anyone sick. And I feel really disgusting when I'm sick, and I don't really want a witness.

So yah, I do feel pretty okay in general.
__________________
Love is that condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own...
Robert A. Heinlein

Me: female, bi, (formerly hinge of a vee)
with FirstBoyFriend (FBF)(moderately long-distance)
and no longer with CurrentBoyFriend (CBF)(who lives in the apartment building next door)
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