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Old 01-31-2013, 06:09 PM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
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Yes, you need to stand up for yourself and create your own sense of safety. They only affect you this way because you are cowering in the corner. This is not your abusive family, it's just a person who is arrogant and bossy.

If J. even starts a conversation with you about money, plant your feet firmly, interrupt her, and say, "My money is my business, not yours. I pay my fair share on time and do not owe you anything, so stop this right now. It isn't your place to tell me how to run my life and manage my money. If M. doesn't mind you bossing her around just because she owes you money, that is between you two and has nothing to do with me, so BACK OFF! I will not tolerate that from you or anyone." Then, do not leave the room. Just stay put and do not waver.
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An excellent blog post on hierarchy in polyamory:
solopoly.net/2014/10/31/why-im-not-a-secondary-partner-the-short-version/

Last edited by nycindie; 01-31-2013 at 06:12 PM.
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